Page 163 of Defend Me

I blinked and forced myself not to look away. He was studying me and I wasn’t sure what the purpose was, but I knew that one existed.

“You’re obviously more than capable of succeeding,” he went on. “To be honest, I expected you to come in here like all the others. You’ve surprised me and my first explanation is that you’re incredibly smart and cunning. I believe both of those to be true, but are those attributes behind the things you’ve said here today?”

“If you want to be real, let’s be real,” I stated. “You’ve already made up your mind about it.” I leaned back in my seat and kicked my feet up on the desk. It was a bold move, but I was living in the world of ‘fuck it’ these days.

“Ms. Whitlock rescinded her recommendation. I’m sure you know that means something to a lot of people here.”

“And to you?” I prompted.

“I wanted to meet you for myself. Your parents are well-known and respected, so it was surprising that she’d change her tune. Did you piss her off?”

I rolled my lips, then stopped abruptly. It was a nervous gesture I shouldn’t have shown him.

God damnit. I didn’t know how to do things this way. My stomach was a fucking wreck.

“Yes,” I replied.

“How?”

“With all due respect, I’d rather not talk about it.”

“Were you going against the status quo?”

“I was.”

He smiled again. “Good. You’re an obvious product of your upbringing, but you know how to think for yourself. If you didn’t, my dad wouldn’t respect you, even with Ms. Whitlock’s high praise. He can’t stand her anyway. If you manage to accomplish all those improvements you talked about, I’ll introduce you someday.”

I dropped my feet to the floor. “Really?”

“Yes. The man who came in here today and spoke from the heart is one he would want to meet. You’re making your own way right now, even though we both know that you don’t really have to. I respect that.”

He got to his feet, so I followed suit. When he offered me his hand, I shook it firmly, just like I’d been taught.

“There are four of us who review applications into the program. As long as your file is impressive, I’ll be on your side.”

“Fuck, thank you. I mean, thank you. Sorry.”

With a chuckle, he sat down again. “Good luck, Mr. Elrod. Try not to keep pissing off faculty. There’s only so much I can do for you.”

“I’ll do my best. Thank you again.”

I picked up my folder and walked casually to the door. My body was humming and I wanted to sprint the rest of the way to the parking lot to release some of this energy.

Stephen wasn’t the only obstacle I had to clear, but he was a step in the right direction. Like I’d told my mom, my accomplishments could speak for themselves.

This was something I’d done on my own. I hadn’t name dropped or schmoozed. There wasn’t a single moment when I’d felt uncomfortable or like I needed to find a better way to appeal to him.

This was all me.

Well, that was bullshit. It was him. If he hadn’t come into my life and encouraged me at every turn, this wouldn’t have happened.

God, I didn’t deserve him.

But I was keeping him.

*****

All I have to do is keep it together

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