Page 175 of Defend Me

“Tilian, I’m being completely honest when I tell you that I respect that. I know some people who could help you get places where you could do something really great someday.”

“Oh, I…”

“My son apparently hasn’t been forthcoming about his life here and, more importantly, his relationship with you, even though it’s clear that you’re in love with him. I find that concerning, if I’m being honest. You’re lovely and there’s nothing for him to be ashamed of. But this has nothing to do with him. I genuinely like your outlook.”

My mouth was incredibly dry, so I took a long drink of my water. I didn’t know if that was her fourth move. Was it two moves?

What was even happening anymore?

Chapter 47

“Terror made me cruel.”

Brooks

The restaurant where I’m going to lose everything

“Kai, stop,” I repeated for the third time.

He didn’t slow until he reached a bench a few blocks away. I thought he’d sit on it, but he whirled around with furious eyes.

“What the fuck was that?” he demanded.

“I’m sorry. My mom’s trying to stir the pot.”

“That’s not a fucking mom. She’s a manipulative, cruel person who shouldn’t be allowed to leave her fancy house. Who does that to people?”

“There’s no excuse, I know.”

“I am so fucking angry right now. Senran, Brooks. He just texted and said he’s in an Uber. Without me. Do you understand what that means?”

“Yeah, I-”

“No, you don’t. He’s been better, learning to love himself because everyone around him does. When he’s upset, he lets me carry him. He used to cry every goddamn night and he tried to hide it, but now he wakes me up when he’s feeling like that. Sometimes, he gets scared when we’re in public and people can see us together, but he’shappyand he’s proud of being out. Everything I’ve done to make sure he survives just got shattered. I’m who he comes to when he needs to feel safe and heran!”

I pressed the heels of my hands against my temples and shook my head.

“We just had a crisis with West,” he went on. “All that shit with his dad and Willow… Do you know how fragile everybody is right now? I can’t hold them all together, Brooks. Fuck!”

He dropped onto the bench and hung his head, gripping the back of his neck.

“Everything is fucked up,” he groaned, shaking his head back and forth. “I’m tired. My parents just left last weekend, my dad couldn’t say goodbye to me, and ithurts. I’ve had to live my entire life preparing to lose someone and I can’t be afraid of that with Sen too. I am so fucking tired.”

“I’m sorry,” I repeated. There weren’t enough times I could say it.

Sitting beside him, I took one of the hands that was on his neck. He let me hold onto it while he took a couple more minutes to fall apart. When he lifted his head, his eyes were glossy, but he’d expertly fashioned a mask of confidence.

Maybe this was part of why we all got along so well. All of us- me, Kai, Sen, and West- had things we’d learned to hide, pain we’d learned to live with. Even when we were empty shells, we knew how to act like everything was okay while the world went on, oblivious to the suffering of others.

“You should go,” I said. “You can take my car.”

He shook his head. “West and Linc are at the apartment. If he doesn’t show up at home, I have a tracker on his phone.”

“You… track him?”

“It’s for emergencies, and yes, he knows. I may have had a few nightmares about his parents coming to snatch him and send him to Dumont.”

“God. That’s horrible.”

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