Page 177 of Defend Me

“I saw the way you looked at him, at his nails. You don’t think it fits with our image. Just like when I told you I’m pansexual, you said I should choose before I finish school. If I’m gay, it’s fine and vice versa.”

“What’s wrong with that? Everyone has a preference, whether they’ll admit it or not.”

“I can’t just choose what people I’m attracted to!” I whisper-yelled. “I’mpansexual. I don’t have a preference; it isn’t even a factor. What don’t you get about that?”

“The word pansexual leaves a bad taste in people’s mouths.”

“Tell them to get a fucking breath mint,” Kai said.

Tilian snorted and covered his mouth with a hand.

“The world is changing,” he went on. “Being your authentic self isn’t a negative thing and if people don’t like the words associated with something, they’re fighting a pointless battle. Whether you assign a word to it or not, pansexual people will still exist, just like trans people will still exist, gay people will still exist and…” He chewed on a fig as he looked at her. “Bad parents who masquerade abuse as love will still exist.”

I swallowed to push back my nausea. Everything he said made me want to hug him, yet I was frozen. Risking a glance at my mom, I saw the most polite smile on her face. She’d still be wearing it if she took her knife and slit all of our throats.

After she stared at him for a minute, she took a drink of her water. “Progressive thinkers are the way of the future; I agree with you. You’re a very astute person, Kai. The world is run by those who haven’t adopted those views yet. Like it or not, this is the way of things and Brooks knows that.”

Tilian shook his head. “Have you asked him?”

“I don’t have to.”

“The world will never accept the way things are if we don’t make it. The only way we change things is by being unafraid to speak our truths. Hiding because it’s uncomfortable or because people will turn their noses up at the idea of people existing as they were meant to doesn’t allow us to move forward.”

She just smiled and turned to me. “You think you know the game so well. Here’s how it really works. You can do all of these things under my name, but everything you have belongs to me and your father. You have not earned them for yourself yet. Your money, your connections, everything. You use the exact things that you try to claim don’t matter.”

“That’s not…”

“It’d be easy to pull some strings to help Tilian make a difference in the system. Friends in high places and access to resources might be just what he needs. On his own, he’ll just end up like most of the others in his field, no matter how much good he wants to do. For all of his passion and heart, he’s not assertive or dominant. Communication skills are essential to becoming successful, not to mention the barriers he’ll face to even get hired if he can’t pass a drug test.”

“Are you-” Tilian stopped himself, looking nothing less than shocked.

“Mom. Stop.”

“I could do wonders for Kai,” she went on without missing a beat. “I know people who could help him to expand that business of his and spread his message of positivity about diversity, which let’s be honest, the world isn’t ready to truly listen to yet. I’ve also seen similar businesses be devastated by bad press. It’s worse if they come under fire and face lawsuits that they can’t afford to handle. There are always bigger players with more resources who can grow significantly faster and make the others irrelevant.

“And Sen, well, he has his work cut out for him enough as it is. If he can’t handle a simple comment about how his sexuality will be perceived in his field, I don’t think he’ll last a day among those people.”

Kai’s eyes were narrowed at her. Dropping info bombs was one thing. This was dirty on a level I didn’t think she’d be capable of, but I should’ve known. After everything I’d seen, I should have expected the worst.

I knew the world I came from was cruel. It was naïve not to take that seriously enough.

I glared at my mom. “Really? You’re making threats?”

“No, I’m proving a point. You’re still a child who knows nothing about the real world and how much both money and power truly influence it. You think you have something here? You think you’re in love? Believe me, Brooks. This fun little game you’re playing here won’t last and it’ll only make things harder for you. You’ll get dragged down, you’ll keep making these mistakes, and your reputation will be in ruins. You’ve already started slipping and I’m worried it’ll only get worse.”

“I don’t know what you want me to do,” I said in a voice that was too small.

“Keep playing if you want, but you’ll be better off if you stop while you’re ahead. We raised you to be strong, Brooks. Is that what you are?”

“Yes…”

“Good. So, we all understand each other.”

Tilian stared at me, waiting for something, but I could barely breathe, let alone speak.

“Oh,” she said, sounding lighter now. “I spoke with Ms. Whitlock and she’s open to another conversation with you. Having her on your side is non-negotiable.”

“He’s not doing that,” Tilian snapped.

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