Page 180 of Defend Me

“I don’t trust you!” he shouted. His eyes shone with tears, but he blinked, refusing to let them fall.

Taking a step back, I tried to catch my breath, but I couldn’t. His words hit me so hard that I thought I might fall apart right here.

“You… don’t trust me?”

“How can he, Brooks?” Sen asked from just outside the room. I looked at him and he shrugged, his face blank. “All I hear are words, but they don’t mean anything if your actions contradict them. Kai and West stepped up to protect me at every opportunity and I never asked them to. Tilian is asking. And if you can’t give that to him, then he deserves better.” He turned and disappeared into the room again.

The front door opened and my mom stepped inside. She regarded each of us as if she knew what was going on. What she’d caused. WhatI’dcaused.

Tilian tried to move past me, but I grabbed onto his arm. When he tried to shake me off, I held on tighter and dropped my forehead to rest against his.

“Please wait,” I whispered. He shook his head. “Please, baby. I know you don’t trust me. Just give me a minute and wait for me. I’m making a promise to you right now, okay? This is one of those things.”

Kai came up beside us and tugged on Tilian’s other arm. He led him into the bedroom and once the door shut, I felt both afraid and brave. When I looked at my mom, I wavered, but I thought about that look on Tilian’s face.

Ihurthim, which I always feared I would do, but I wasn’t going to let myself do it again. Just like Kai told me, we couldn’t control everything, so I had to guide the things that I could. Choosing him was a conscious decision, as was standing up to my mom.

We can’t change that we’re afraid of something, but some things are worth taking risks for.

I didn’t have to be fearless. He was worth every risk.

“No,” I said, forcing myself to stand straight, reminding myself who I was.

She tapped her fingers on the counter. “No, what?”

“No, I’m not leaving him. Not now. And if we’re still together in five years, I’m not leaving then either.”

“Brooks, you’re not thinking. You’re feeling rebellious.”

“Maybe I am. I think it’s given me the courage to start coming through for the people I care about. Not everything is about work, Mom.”

“Work? This is your entire future.”

“And my personal life has less bearing on it than you think. Anyone who doesn’t like what I do can fuck off. Isn’t thismydecision, just like it was with Holly?”

She huffed and began to pace the length of the kitchen. When she looked at her phone, she seemed relieved.

“Your dad is on his way from the airport.”

My gut clenched. I thought it would be easier if it was him, but not together. If they ganged up on me, it was going to be harder, but I could do it. For him.

It wasn’t even a big deal. Tilian put his foot down at the restaurant and I knew how much it took for him to do that. My parents had made work and their lifestyle more important than anything else. I didn’t want to live that way, especially if I had to let go of all the things that made me happy.

We waited in agonizing silence for almost thirty minutes. It was awkward and I just wanted it to be over.

Finally, my dad walked in the door. He wore a bright smile when he looked at me and I would’ve returned it if I was able to. The tension reached him and his brow furrowed as he looked back and forth between us.

“What happened?”

“We’re talking about Brooks’ decisions,” Mom said in a monotone.

“Are you doing drugs, Brooks?” he teased. The joke didn’t land, which made him frown. “Okay, the two of you have been at odds for months now. I think it’s time we talk about it.”

I shook my head and leaned back against the window. “We disagree. But to her, that means trying to force me into agreeing with her completely.”

“Can you find a middle ground?”

“She’s not meeting me in the middle!” I shouted, waving my hand toward her. “She won’t budge on anything, so let’s be real here. I have to meet her exactly where she’s at, even when it hurts me.”

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