Page 181 of Defend Me

The expression on his face betrayed his surprise at my outburst. He moved further into the room, closer to me than her.

“You keep refusing to tell me what’s going on. I know that you’re very smart, but you’re young and I’m sure it’s hard to take what your parents say seriously.”

I scoffed. “This isn’t about thinking I know better.”

“Then, tell me what it’s about.”

“Changing! I don’t want to change. You want me to keep making myself smaller while I replace all these pieces of myself with what you guys want. It’s always been that way and I didn’t ever let myself think it didn’t have to be. If I keep going, I’ll be just what you want, but then what’s left of me? I don’t want to lose who I am, Dad. And I don’t want to pretend.”

“Pretend? What are you pretending?”

“That I want to be like you. Likeher.”

“Alright.”

He motioned for me to come closer, so I reluctantly did. My mom had been quiet the whole time, just staring at me with obvious disappointment on her face.

“Tell me what happened,” he demanded. “Now.”

“I don’t want to,” I admitted softly.

“Ava?”

“He’s dating and he thinks his boyfriend is more important than his future.”

My dad’s brows drew down. “You have a boyfriend?”

I nodded. “We’ve been together for a month.”

My mom scoffed. “A month. This is what I’m saying. You’re making declarations as if this is the rest of your life. You’re eighteen years old, Brooks.”

“I know what I want.”

“You’re a child! We spoiled you too much and you think that you should have everything you want, every passing fancy, even if it’s bad for you.”

“Why don’t you like him?” I shouted back.

“It’s not about liking or disliking him. I think Tilian is lovely and what he wants to do with his life is noble- respectable, even. But how does that align with your future?”

“I don’t fucking care. He’s more important than that and I won’t make him bend to accommodate my job. I’ll twist everything else in my life to put him first.”

When it was silent for a few minutes, my dad looked at me. “You didn’t tell us.”

“It’s none of your business.”

His face pinched. The look in his eyes made me drop my gaze.

“You could’ve told me,” he said. “Just because we’re across the country doesn’t mean we can’t share the good things with each other. But…” He looked at my mom, then at me again. “I don’t understand why you’re fighting about this.”

My mom came up beside him, making it look like they were united against me. “He thinks this can last.”

“Why can’t it?”

Her eyes widened for just a second before she smoothed her expression. “He’s eighteen, Noah. He hasn’t even finished a single year at college and he’s losing his focus. He doesn’t know what he wants.”

“I know what I want,” I argued.

“Okay.” My dad held his hands up and looked at me. “Tell me what you want.”

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