Page 183 of Defend Me

After he nodded, I closed my eyes, finally feeling more relaxed. When raised voices reached me from the kitchen, I tensed again. Tilian curled over me as if he could shield me from anything that tried to come for me.

“What the fuck are you thinking, Ava?”

“I’m trying to help him.”

“You’re trying to control him. And what’s this about cutting his hair? I’ve never told him he needs to cut his fucking hair!”

I sucked in a breath and Tilian ran his fingers through the strands again.

He didn’t know? Had he ever actually said anything about it? I couldn’t even remember. My mom mentioned it all the time. She had to have said it around him at some point. But how many times were we together at the same time? Dinner once in a while but not often. Vacation, but they were often working then too, shut away in offices. I went off and did my own thing, met the locals, and whatnot.

Nothing made sense anymore.

“It’s unprofessional,”Mom said, sounding dismissive.“We have an image. In our firm, he’s expected to match that, just like everyone else. What client is going to look at him and not make an initial judgment? It’s an unavoidable response.”

“It’shair!And it’s our firm. If I say it’s professional, then it is, and everyone can fuck off. How can you ask him to change? How could you tell him to sleep with a faculty member?”

“We’ve done worse to get where we are.”

“We have,” Dad agreed. “That’s not the point. We were both second-generation immigrants with hardly any money and that was our burden, not his. Wasn’t the point of building our business to make sure that he doesn’t have to do those things? We sacrificed so we could get here. We took that on for him. Now, we’ve failed him.”

“You’re being dramatic.”

“If you think that, then I’ve been blind for twenty-nine years. Do you not see what this has done to him?”

“He’ll be okay. We made him strong.”

“We broke him! He’s not supposed to be broken! Did you see his face? It’s breaking my goddamn heart right now. When has Brooks ever cried, Ava?”

“I’m sorry! I just want him to be prepared.”

“And Holly?”

“Okay, that was a mistake. I can see that. We can do better and it’ll be okay.”

“Were you okay, Ava? I remember the times you cried in college, how sick you got during that internship, getting harassed by Paul, but you couldn’t afford to lose your position. But it’ll be okay, huh?”

“Look at me,” she replied. “I’m still standing.”

“Yeah, at one time, I thought it was because you’re strong. Now, I see that you lost a part of yourself along the way.”

“God damnit, Noah. How do you not care about what he’s doing?”

“Because the only time he didn’t look in pain was when he put his foot down for his boyfriend. He’s my son and he’s supposed to be happy. I’m not letting Brooks turn into this. I’m not letting him feel the way he does right now. He’s beautiful.Beautiful.And you’re too fucking blind to see it. Power has gone to your head.”

“Calm down.

“Remember when your dad would tell Brooks stories aboutMaori culture because he didn’t want his family to forget it, even after they moved here? That’s when he stopped cutting his hair. Your parents would be sick to see what we’ve turned into.”

“Don’t try to tell me what they would think.”

“Then open your fucking eyes and see it for yourself. I’m disgusted by this, Ava. I feel like I don’t know who the hell you are anymore.”

“We can discuss it later.”

“You’re right. We can talk about it at the hotel, which I think you should go to now.”

“Noah-”

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