Page 185 of Defend Me

It was cold outside but not unbearably. We silently moved over to the plush chairs and sat down. While I waited, I brought the beer to my lips and took a long drink. It felt like a six-pack kind of day, but that was bound to turn into a crying in the bathtub kind of night.

“I’m disappointed,” he said finally.

Fuck.

I brought my feet up onto the chair as I stared out at the water. Somehow, I found the view significantly better when it was overcast like this. When I first moved to Seattle, I’d sit out here to think or, sometimes, to stop thinking. With every day that passed, though, the quiet got worse. From up here, the sounds from below were so far away. Being outside should come with noise, in my opinion.

“I’m sorry,” I said without inflection.

“No. We’re talking openly. Me and you.”

“What do you mean?”

“You see me, I see you, and we have an unambiguous conversation. Got it?”

I shifted in my seat so that I could see him. He didn’t look as blank now, but it didn’t help me read him. Still, I nodded.

“What have you been doing, Brooks?”

“That’s ambiguous,” I pointed out. My lips twitched a little and so did his.

“Okay, smartass. Tell me about your classes.”

“My classes?”

“That’s what I said.”

“Um…” I licked my lips, cursing myself for using that damn word again. I must’ve adopted it from Tilian. “I’m taking three and they’re kind of boring. Except sociology. That’s my favorite.”

“Why?”

“We’re doing a big project throughout the semester. It’s a lot of work, but I really like it.”

“Any other reason?”

I smiled a little. “It’s me, Tilian, and two other guys in the group.”

“Tilian is your boyfriend, right?”

“Yeah. And it’s not just because I get to be around him. We’ve all brought something to it and it’s become so much deeper than I would’ve expected. I actually look forward to working on it and it feels like I’m doing something good.”

“That’s great. School shouldn’t only be about work and good grades. What are you getting up to outside of class?”

“Anarchy.” When he sighed, I found myself laughing. “No, that’s Tilian’s territory. Outside of class, I hang out with my friends. There are a lot of them, but the ones I care about most are Sen, Kai, and West. He’s dating Linc now and he’s cool too. I went to a lot of football games before the season ended.”

“And now?”

“Lately, we watch a lot of movies and eat popcorn with a super unhealthy amount of butter on it. We eat way too much Thai food, but we might start running more, so that’s good. We went for a really long drive not too long ago. Just got in the car and drove nearly to Canada, then turned around and ended up watching the sunset from this random place we found on a hill. It was simple, but I think it was one of my favorite days.”

He didn’t look away from me the entire time I talked. I didn’t even realize how long I’d gone on for until I finished. Clearing my throat, I pulled my dab pen from my pocket.

“Since you’re already disappointed and all that.”

“You’ll be the death of me, but you’re eighteen, so it doesn’t really matter what I think. You never put that much effort into hiding it and I trust you to be smart. I’d rather you smoke than drink too much. Are you doing that?”

“No. Socially and even then, it’s not much.”

“Good. If that was another thing we had to deal with, I might need a stiffer drink.” After he drained his beer, he set the bottle on the ground. “Tell me about Holly.”

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