Page 22 of Defend Me

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?”

His thumb grazed the side of my neck. “You’re squirrely.”

“It’s my resting state.”

“Are you uncomfortable?”

“No. Just anxiety. There are a lot of people. It’s why I smoke so much.”

“A better reason than most of us.”

“Why do you?”

He chuckled. “Silencing the demons? I don’t know. Not to just fuck around and eat food, although that’s not bad either.”

“We should, uh, smoke some time,” I ventured.

“Sure. I wouldn’t mind.”

Was that a good answer? Brooks was hard to read. His responses were different than most people. It seemed like he said whatever came into his head, but I didn’t think that was exactly the case. He struck me as far from impulsive. Organized chaos came to mind.

I shifted my attention to the field. The players had come out at some point after he’d grabbed me. I understood football, but I wasn’t into it. If I was by myself, I definitely wouldn’t be here to watch.

“West is playing the whole game,” Brooks told me. “The freshman quarterback.”

“Oh, that’s cool. What about the other guy?”

“Sprained his ankle, I guess.”

“That’s good for your friend, at least.”

“Definitely is.”

The first play started and Brooks removed his arm to lean forward. He rested his elbows on his knees while he kept his eyes on the field. Sen looked tense as he watched West grab the ball. He’d barely touched it when he got tackled hard. That shit looked like it hurt.

Both Brooks and Sen jumped to their feet. It was clear that West was injured, but he leapt up and waved everyone off. The two men beside me noticeably relaxed. I knew they were close, but it seemed like their very breath relied on their friend being okay.

While the second quarter played out, I sunk into my head. I tried to remember if there was anything I needed to do this weekend. My stepmom kept asking me to come home to see the family, but I wasn’t sure if I’d do that. It was only an hour drive. It felt like more, mainly because a day with them was equivalent to a week.

What are you doing at school, Tilian?Schoolwork.Do you have friends?Kind of.How are classes?They’re classes.

Good times.

Brooks suddenly grabbed onto my forearm with a bruising grip. When I looked up to see what was going on, I saw West on the ground. Kai ran over to him and dropped to his knees. Whatever had happened, it didn’t look good.

Gently, I removed Brooks’ fingers. He glanced at me briefly before he returned his attention to the field. West continued to play the rest of the quarter, then they moved to the locker room for half time.

“Think he’s okay?” Sen asked. He still looked really worried.

Brooks grimaced. “Yeah, I’m sure he is. Kai would kick his ass otherwise, right?”

“I guess. West is… West, though. Kai isn’t god.”

“I can’t believe you said that. Pretty sure he’s basically your god in a million ways.”

Sen noticeably flushed. “Fuck off.”

“Oh, come on. It’s Kai. We all know he has the vibes.”

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