Page 36 of Defend Me

Dean dipped into a parking garage beneath the building. The cars we passed weren’t all extravagant, but there were enough flashy ones to betray the level of wealth that occupied this place.

When I glanced at Dean, I could see the tension in his body. I knew that his family didn’t have money and I wondered how crazy this felt to him. Mine was in the upper middle class, so I’d never worried about missing a meal or not having new clothes at the beginning of the school year, but this was entirely different.

It was unlikely that I’d ever associate with people who lived on this level. Aside from Brooks. After he graduated and started making his own money, it was possible he'd disappear and never again hang out with the friends he made here. It was a sad thought, so I shoved it away.

As we got out of the car, I started to think about the same things I’d been pondering on the way here, but in a different way. I always went through life being a rebellious little shit, but I didn’t do it loudly. It was more of an act against my dad or people who had judgy eyes. Expectations were a direct affront to the makeup of my soul.

Why shouldn’t I employ that more here? Brooks seemed like a person who’d have no issue with something casual. He’d made out with me to prove a point and had been unfazed by it.

It was possible I’d sink too far into it, but that was a problem for future me. Even if I got hurt, I deserved to enjoy something for however long it lasted. I didn’t know if he’d be interested in me, but he’d made it clear that he found me attractive.

I came up beside him as he hit the button for the elevator. After swallowing back my fear and a bit of nausea, I brushed his fingers. His twitched and I almost backed out, but I forced myself to go a step further. When I slipped my hand into his, he looked over at me.

“Dean’s driving freaked me out,” I joked softly enough for only him to catch it.

He breathed a laugh and gripped my hand. “Bold strokes, Tilian. I’m impressed.”

I preened at the praise.

We stepped into the elevator and Dean’s eyes fell to our hands, but he didn’t react or say anything. Brooks used our intertwined fingers to reach up and push the button for the thirty-eighth floor.

Shit, that was high.

Like the annoyingly perceptive person he was, he squeezed my hand. “It’s beautiful from up there. Right, Dean?”

“I’ve seen better,” he replied.

“You’ve been here?” I asked. If I didn’t know that he was as straight as they come, I might’ve felt a twinge of jealousy.

“Yeah. Mr. Fancy Pants here got me a special Uber because he was dying to see this face.”

“Mm,” Brooks hummed. “More like those biceps. Have you seen those fuckers?” He blew air through his lips and shook his head. “Bet you can really throw someone around with those.”

The elevator dinged and the doors opened smoothly. Dean had begun to scowl after Brooks’ comment. They still went back and forth. Their history couldn’t be an easy thing to get past, but for some reason, they were trying. I was glad, otherwise it’d be a little awkward to hang out with either of them.

Me and Brooks separated to remove our hoodies and shoes. Afterward, he pushed his hands into his pockets and smiled at me. I couldn’t read the expression and it was probably best if I didn’t try.

Put yourself out there, Tilian,they said.Go for what you want, Tilian.

I reminded myself that it wasn’t necessarily a rejection. He’d held my hand all the way up to this point. We were barely even acquainted yet. Just because I got butterflies from his touch didn’t at all mean that he felt the same.

Brooks disappeared into a room and I immediately started to look around. It was nicer than I’d expected, which was saying a lot since I’d imagined something really damn fancy. It was incredibly modern and the entire back wall wasn’t even a wall. It was just glass. When I stood in front of it, I felt a little queasy. It was almost like there was nothing keeping me from tumbling over the edge.

Fingers brushed over the back of my neck, just underneath my hair line, and I shivered. Brooks held a dab pen over my shoulder. I took it while I stared at him in the reflection. His face was oddly blank, devoid of emotion. I turned around but was met with soft warmth, just like he always exuded.

He booped my nose, then joined Dean at the island and passed him a pen. Did he collect these things like baseball cards?

After I took a hit, I was really thrown off. This was definitely not one of the cheap cartridges I bought at the dispensary. This right here was death in a tube.

Jesus Christ. He didn’t play around.

As I made my way over to the others, I saw Dean dip his head closer to Brooks. “Can we talk?” I heard him ask.

Brooks nodded toward the room he’d disappeared into before. He flashed me a brief smile before they went inside. The door was cracked open, but it was clear they wanted privacy for whatever they needed to talk about. By the time they got back, I’d probably be a whole different person thanks to this shit that really should’ve been illegal.

Chapter 12

“A wonderful fact to reflect upon, that every human creature is constituted to be that profound secret and mystery to every other.”

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