Page 39 of Defend Me

“Everything in Australia wants to kill you,” I informed him.

“I’ll just find a badass Australian woman to protect me.”

“While I love the annihilation of gender roles, your plan doesn’t sound foolproof. For one, who would want to date you?”

Finally, he let me see that amused smile. It turned him from, ‘Oorah, I’ll cut off your nuts,’ to, ‘Scary but actually a teddy bear.’

“Well,” he drawled. “We can compare dating histories if you’d like.”

“Your girlfriend cheated on you.”

Tilian was noticeably uncomfortable by my statement. I sat up and grabbed his arm to pull him with me, then moved my hand to his thigh and squeezed it reassuringly.

Dean sucked air through his teeth, then surprised me by chuckling. “Fair. I was gonna bring her to meet my family over winter break, so I guess it’s a good thing I learned who she was beforehand.”

“So, I did you a favor.”

“I wouldn’t go that far.” He tapped his fingers on the table rhythmically. “Got a crush on anyone, Brooks?”

I was a little shocked he’d asked me an actual question. “Crushes are for kids. If I like somebody, I’ll be all over them like cheese on macaroni.”

“Isn’t it like white on rice?” Tilian laughed.

“It’s whatever we want it to be. Rice is white on its own, but I can make mac as cheesy as I want it.”

“Natural rice isn’t white. They just remove layers of it.”

“Tilian, I’m gonna find a way to shut you up.”

“Okay, so do youlikeanybody?” Dean prompted.

“Why? You gonna be jealous?” I raised and lowered my brows, but when he looked less than amused, I tapped my fingers and thought about my answer. “There are people outside the door.”

“Is this some weird psychic ability? Is someone trying to enter our plane?”

“What I mean is that I’m not gonna let myself seriously like someone if I’m not looking for a relationship because, for all my casual aloofness, I have a feeling I’ll become sort of consumed by it if I’m really vibing with someone. If I become ready for that, there might be one or two I’d easily approach with the idea. But since I don’t want that, no. I don’tlikeanybody in that way.”

Tilian’s fingers brushed over mine on his leg. I was glad that I was wearing long sleeves so my goosebumps weren’t noticeable.

The way he’d grabbed my hand in the parking garage was more than a surprise. I didn’t mind physical touch, platonic or otherwise. Quite the opposite, really. He knew my current stance on relationships, so I was fine with him doing this. Considering how timid he often was, I didn’t think he’d do something bold if he wasn’t confident in the outcome.

“Sometimes it just happens,” Dean pointed out.

“Not to me.”

My parents taught me to cut ties with anyone who might put our reputation at risk- problematic partners or friends, professional relationships that soured, and the like. It’d done more than what they’d probably intended. I could drop someone from my life, then build a cement wall to lock out any feelings that might arise from their absence. It had become easy for me.

They called it prioritizing myself. Maybe it was. Or I might just be a bad person, but it wasn’t like I did it often except in situations like I found myself in with Sadie. It was also possible nobody had really felt worth sticking around for, through thick and thin.

“Have you ever been with a guy, Dean?” I asked.

“No, I’m straight.”

“How straight?”

“Straight as a board.”

“Add some water damage and that shit’ll get wavy.”

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