Page 54 of Defend Me

I wasn’t sure what he meant by that, but it made me sad. There were so many things I wanted to know about him. Not just facts. I wanted to learn what things made him happy, what went through his head, and what caused that anguish in his eyes that I’d seen a couple of times. It was too dark for me to see if it was there now, but I had a feeling it was.

“Let me know you,” I said.

“Don’t say that.”

“But I want to.”

When he pressed his forehead against mine, I felt his breath hit my lips. I scooted my body a little closer so that I was pressed up against him. Terrified that he’d slip away from me again, I tried to think of a question to continue our game.

“Did you have pets growing up?”

He shook his head. “My parents were gone a lot. Sometimes, they stayed overnight at the office because they were so busy. There wasn’t time to dedicate to a pet. I never really thought about having one.”

“We had a Mastiff. I named her Pebbles because Fruity Pebbles were my favorite as a kid. She’d always follow me if I went for a walk or sat by the lake. I liked her more than any of the people I was around.”

He laughed a little. “Not surprised.”

“Dogs just love you. It’s pure and beautiful. She died when I was fifteen and my parents only got another one after I came to school. I was kind of glad about that because I would’ve been too attached to leave.”

“But not to your family,” he teased.

“I love them, but I suck at keeping in touch. They’re only an hour away, so I should see them more.” I shrugged. “I don’t know where I’ll go someday, but I want a big yard so that I can have a few dogs.”

“You give me all this insight into your life and I don’t even have to ask. I thought you didn’t like talking about yourself.”

Deciding I should be vulnerable if I was asking him to be, I ducked my head before I responded.

“Maybe the more you know about me, the harder it’ll be to forget me.”

“Why would I forget you?”

“You live this big life with all these friends. I’m just one of them and it’s not like I stand out.”

He gently knocked his forehead against mine a couple of times like he was trying to think or maybe he was frustrated. His fingers gripped my side tightly and he made a soft sound that made my heart speed up even more.

“God, Tilian. Stop reducing yourself as if you aren’t the one who constantly takes over my thoughts.”

I must’ve drank too much. Or he had. I didn’t take over people’s thoughts. I was the side character; maybe even the sassy little animal companion in Disney movies- part of the story, but not actually essential.

I was way too aware of how close we were now. Our bodies were practically melded together and he was clutching me to him. When I tipped my head up, his hand suddenly went to my throat, making me moan. His lips brushed mine, then they parted, but he never went in for the kiss. Quicker than I could process, he rolled over and got to his feet.

“I’m gonna shower before I sleep.”

“Okay,” I said, trying not to sound dejected.

He started walking, then stopped. Putting one knee on the bed, he leaned toward me. His lips pressed against my forehead and even that made my heart race.

“I’ll be back. If you need a drink or something, there’s a bunch of stuff in the fridge. Can you…”

“What?”

“Stay. In here.”

After I nodded, he continued into the bathroom. Only when the door closed did I let out a heavy breath and roll onto my back.

I felt more irritated than I had a right to be. At this point, I didn’t have a clue what was going on with us. I wasn’t imagining the things he said or the ways he touched me. Even when he kissed me in my dorm, it wasn’t the same as this. That hadn’t actually meant anything. The fact that he kept pulling back now told me things had changed.

If he kept giving me these little tastes of him, I’d be done for. It might be smart to move to the other room or go home, but I just stayed where I was, listening to the shower. I let myself imagine how he looked in there and, fuck, it was a cruel way to torture myself. The images stayed in my mind until my eyes could no longer stay open.

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