Page 56 of Defend Me

“They’d think I don’t have my shit together.”

“It was an accident.”

“It wasn’t.”

I knelt in front of him and blocked him from touching any more of the glass. He was going to cut himself like that. We didn’t need a hospital trip on our hands.

“Hey,” I said softly. “Nobody’s here to see it. Just me, and I’m not gonna judge you.”

“Everybody judges, whether intentional or not.”

“Okay, then I’ll rephrase. I’m not going to be offended by a broken bong. As for the other stuff, I don’t know if you have your shit together, but I think it’s okay if you don’t.”

He pulled his hands back, so I did too. His were shaking. When he saw me looking, he stood and pushed them into his pockets.

“You should eat something,” he said.

“Only if you do.”

“I’m not hungry.”

“Please?”

He rolled his eyes. “Fine, whatever. We can go out.”

After watching him for another second, I nodded. “Cool if I shower?”

“Of course.”

“Okay. I’m not deciding where we eat, by the way. That’s not in my arsenal of abilities.”

Finally, there was a tiny smile on his face. He jerked his chin toward the room, then grabbed a broom from a closet.

I could take a quick shower. If I left him alone for too long, I was afraid he’d spiral or something.

Shit, I was getting protective of him.

This was fine. Completely fine.

*****

In the shower, I’d done a bit more contemplation. I didn’t really have a choice. My brain did what it did best and like Miley Cyrus, it couldn’t be tamed. It also came in like a wrecking ball to sabotage me way too often.

Brooks was good at hiding, but he also claimed he had a harder time with it around me. My approach was simple. I was just going to be myself and not walk on eggshells around him.

As I sat across from him at the sushi restaurant, though, I realized that saying I would be myself created expectations. I completely forgot what my personality even was. Was I human? It didn’t feel like it.

“You good?” he asked.

I watched him pick up a sushi roll with his chopsticks. For a second, I was locked onto his lips.

“Is anyone not good when they’re eating sushi?”

“Probably, but those people don’t get to be my friend.”

“We should do something with Kai and Sen again,” I suggested.

“Not scared of him anymore?”

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