Page 58 of Defend Me

“That’s the third favorite thing you gave me.”

“You’re not the only one who’s a giver.”

Deciding to be a little bold- my pathetic heart be damned- I dropped my head to his shoulder. It only took him a few seconds to drop his arm from the back of the booth and tighten it around my shoulders.

“What made you upset enough to throw a bong?”

He tensed. “Doesn’t matter.”

“It’s one of my twenty questions. You don’t get to pick and choose.”

Wordlessly, he stroked the side of my arm, back and forth. If we weren’t in a restaurant, I’d probably be able to doze off like this.

“Are you gonna answer the question?”

“Just need to get laid,” he said dismissively.

“Hm. I’m sure that’s not hard for you.”

A beat of silence passed before he said anything. “They’re bitching about my hair.”

“What?”

“The answer to your question. My parents keep telling me to cut my hair.”

I lifted my head and looked at the neat bun he’d put it in. “So what? Tell them to fuck off.”

He smiled ruefully. “Thanks for the solid advice.”

“Any time. I’ll give you another freebie. Don’t cut it. It’s nice.”

“Aye aye, captain.”

“You’re annoying.”

“Careful. Keep degrading me and I’ll take it as flirting.”

He was impossible. Even so, I smiled. I was beginning to see glimpses between the cracks in his armor. He put on a façade, one that was interchangeable at will, but when it came down to it, he was a mess like the rest of us. In some ways, maybe more.

The thing I was learning about Brooks was that he would keep pushing everything down. I didn’t think he could do anything else. Maybe he numbed himself to it. I wondered how many times he’d reached a boiling point like today. I imagined it took a lot to get him here, or just as likely, it was the weight of a thousand little stressors. The straw that broke the camel’s back.

“You know that you can show me your pain, right?” I ventured, wanting to be careful with my words but not knowing how.

“Why would you want to see that?”

“Maybe if you trade it with my own, you’ll see that a lot of pain sings a similar song.”

“Only you could make that sound beautiful.”

Chapter 17

“No one is useless in this world who lightens the burdens of another.”

Brooks

About to prove I’m not as selfish as he thinks I am

Frankly, I was tired of Dean claiming his battery was dead. He’d said it multiple times over the past couple of weeks and it was weird. Maybe it really was dead. Or he didn’t have a car. Whatever was going on, I was ready to get to the bottom of it.

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