Page 71 of Defend Me

“You gave me some first.”

“A quid pro quo,” I noted with a smile. “I don’t say this about a lot of people, but I like you. You’re easy to talk to.”

“Thanks. Hopefully, next time isn’t so fucking depressing.”

We left the closet, then went our separate ways. I watched him go back into the kitchen, then pulled out my phone to find that Brooks had texted me again.

Brooks:I’ve never felt so rejected in my life.

JK if that wasn’t obvious.

Tilian:Do u like skating?

Brooks:Like is a strong word.

Tilian:Well, u like me, so u should come.

Shit, I was gonna die. I hit send before I could overthink it, then watched the bubbles like my life depended on it. Answer, answer, answer.

It had been too long.

Mistakes were made.

When it vibrated, I nearly dropped it.

Brooks:OK bet. Anything I need to know about your family so I don’t embarrass you?

Tilian:U won’t

Brooks:You don’t know that lol

Tilian:Ur too perfect to embarrass me. See u soon.

I slipped the phone into my pocket. It was going to stay there for the rest of the day. Hopefully, he wouldn’t think what I said was weird and back out.

Chapter 21

“I felt very still and empty, the way the eye of a tornado must feel, moving dully along in the middle of the surrounding hullabaloo.”

Brooks

I’m definitely going to fuck it all up

Tilian:Ur too perfect to embarrass me. See u soon.

I tapped my fingers on the counter as I stared at the message. Going skating with him hadn’t seemed like a big deal, even with his family there. Now, it felt like there were expectations. Maybe I was reading into it too much.

It was difficult to figure him out because he wasn’t one-dimensional. At first glance, a lot of people would think that, but they were dumb. He’d surprised me so many times already and now, I worried that I would miss something again. I needed to get a grip on the relationships in my life before I lost control of them and they began to spiral.

I could invite someone to tag along. I’d used Dean as a buffer a couple of times. Tilian was smart enough to see that. If I felt such a strong need to do that, I might as well not hang out with him at all.

I wanted to, though. I just needed balance, which felt like more of a luxury these days.

He sent me a picture of him on the ice. His cheeks were a little pink and his hair was adorably messy. I was in my car not five minutes after I saw it. I may have gone a tad over the speed limit on the way to the rink.

As I walked into the building, I felt more nervous than usual. It wasn’t a normal state of mind for me. Even when I had a twinge of anxiety, I had the capacity to nip that shit in the bud. Around Tilian, nothing felt rational anymore.

I’d barely walked past the arcade games when I saw him on the ice. He was with a kid that couldn’t be more than a pre-teen. I knew he had two siblings, so I assumed it was his brother.

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