Page 76 of Defend Me

I watched him laugh at something Violet said. That goddamn smile was so bright. It was freer than I sometimes saw from him. It was as if he held himself back a lot of the time. Why was he always putting on a front?

“I think he likes you,” she went on.

“Can we not talk about boys?”

She made a disgruntled sound. “Fine. You’re coming to Alex’s birthday party, right?”

“Of course.”

“I just wanted to make sure. You haven’t been visiting when we ask.”

Trying not to frown, I looked at her. “I’m sorry. I’ll try to do better.”

“You’ll let us know if you’re struggling, won’t you? I know college can be stressful and some of your friends aren’t there anymore. I hate the idea of you spending so much of your time alone.”

“I’m okay. Promise.”

“Good. Feel free to bring Brooks to the party.”

“Miranda,” I groaned.

“Okay, okay. You have another friend you told me about a while ago. What about him?”

“Dean. We’re chill, but he’s not the type of friend I’d bring to my brother’s birthday. We just hang out and…” I quickly diverted and tried to think of something else to say. “Do homework.”

She laughed lightly. “I’m sure I don’t want to know.”

My dad ventured out onto the ice slowly. He was actually decent at skating, probably because it was one of the things we often did for our birthdays over the years, which was the only reason I could stay on my feet.

Brooks slid up to the edge and grabbed onto it, locking eyes with me. His tongue traced across his lips, then he smiled and jerked his chin toward the ice. With a groan, I got to my feet and hobbled over.

He latched onto my hand and pulled me toward the middle. Once we were there, I quickly disentangled our fingers and tried to think of something else to do with them. Instead of doing some awkward shit, I started to casually skate across the rink. Alex looked at me and waggled his eyebrows, so I threw up my middle finger.

“Til,” Dad scolded.

With a grimace, I started to skate backward. I bumped into someone and as soon as his hands landed on my waist to steady me, I pushed forward to escape his hold. He came around to coast in front of me with a frown.

“Can’t we have fun?” he asked.

“We are.”

“It seems like you’re trying to keep as far away from me as possible.”

“I’m meeting you where you’re at, Brooks. Friends. That’s what you want, so let’s do that, okay?”

He shrugged before he smiled again, more forced this time. “Cool. Just don’t act like I have the plague or something.”

He held out his hand and I swallowed hard. Brooks was the most confusing person I’d ever met. I was torn between wanting to crack open his head and staying far away from whatever was in there. He was playing a game at all times, but I didn’t know what the point was.

When I took his hand, I was struck with fear. It wasn’t because I knew that I’d started to develop feelings for him. It wasn’t even his obvious internal battle.

No, I was afraid that I was already getting lost in his game, regardless of the barriers I was trying to put up. I had no idea what waited at the finish line- if I even made it that far. Would I lose something along the way? My sanity, maybe.

But, looking at the spark in his eyes right now, I couldn’t imagine protecting myself from him if it meant I never got to see that again.

I was quite possibly in over my head.

*****

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