Page 86 of Defend Me

“No, I’m pissed that you’re going to usemyfriend to make yourself feel better.”

“That’s not what I’m doing,” I said through gritted teeth.

“Bullshit. I’m starting to think you just want to ruin every relationship in your life.”

“You should leave the psychoanalyzing to Oliver.”

“God damnit, Brooks. I’m this close to losing it. Leave him alone.”

“I like Tilian,” I stated firmly.

“I don’t doubt that, but is that the reason you’re here? If it is, then go ahead, but if it’s any other reason, go find someone else. He doesn’t deserve to be used as a pawn to make you feel better about yourself.”

“Weird. I’m perfectly happy with who I am.”

The way he laughed made my lip curl. “You fucking despise yourself. You think I can’t see that. News flash: You’re not the only one who pays attention to things.”

My gaze moved to the side briefly before coming back to him. “Stay out of my business, Dean. Just because we hung out a few times doesn’t mean you can keep tabs on me. It’s kind of creepy, if I’m being honest.”

“Here’s what I think.” He held me more firmly against the wall, making it impossible to get free. “I think that deep down, maybe very deep because you’ve tried to bury it, you want to be a good person and you’re too afraid to admit that you don’t want the future that’s been laid out for you.”

I planted my hands on his chest and tried to push him back, but he didn’t budge. Being trapped like this made my head swim. The peace I’d felt in that room shattered, giving way to panic.

“Let me go,” I demanded. My voice came out small and my breath hitched.

He stepped back and I slumped against the wall, putting a hand to my chest.

“You don’t have to act like this,” he said. “This isn’t you.”

“You don’t fucking know me,” I sneered.

“I was fucking trying to.”

The statement made me pause and blink a few times, but I worked through the break in my defenses quickly. “Hm. I know that I’m irresistible, but I thought you’d be harder to seduce than that.”

“Fuck off, Brooks. Do you really only feel better about yourself when someone wants to fuck you?”

“I don’t have to explain myself to you or anyone.”

“Whatever shit you’re on, deal with it and don’t use your friends to do it.”

“Fuck off,” I growled, feeling another flood of emotions. I was cycling through them so quickly and it was already wearing on me.

“I thought you were better than this.”

“I’ve never claimed to be.”

“You’re right. Whatever good you’ve held onto all this time clearly isn’t strong enough to survive, so you might as well kill it now. Let’s be real, Brooks. Everything about you is a ruse. It’s a game, just like everything else you do.”

“So what if it is?” I shouted. “That’s life. We all lie and cheat and play the game to get ahead.”

He laughed dryly. “It’s sad that you don’t know that isn’t true. Here’s the problem with all of that. You’re not giving yourself the chance to be happy.”

“Good thing I don’t care.”

“Really? Happiness means nothing?”

I couldn’t meet his eyes, so I stared at Tilian’s door. “Success makes people happy. Money. Love has ruined the potential of more than a few people who could’ve been great.”

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