Page 88 of Defend Me

My brows pulled down. I struggled to meet his eyes as his words twisted inside of me. “I’m trying to help him. That’s why he came to me.”

With a sigh, he moved closer. “Look, Tilian. I know he likes you for real, but he also flat out told me he wouldn’t sleep with you because he knows you’ll fall for him, which he’s said he doesn’t want. He’s not thinking clearly right now. If he does all of this, it’ll blow up in his face and he’ll feel like shit, which I think is the point for some reason.”

“You don’t know him.”

“Neither do you. Just, for your sake and his, you should slow shit down. Don’t let him be reckless with you. Or let him fuck up someone else for his entertainment. I don’t know.”

“He really left?” I asked barely above a whisper.

“We were both being dicks, but yeah, he walked out. He’s off right now. I called him out and he got angry. That’s all that happened. He’s trying to drown himself and I know that you can see that.”

“You should leave.”

“Tilian.”

“Just go,” I snapped. “I’m tired.”

“Okay. Think about what I said please. I’m not trying to be a dick.”

“I know.”

Once he was gone, I checked my phone. There were no messages, which shouldn’t have made me feel as despondent as I did. Things just couldn’t be simple with him.

Lying back on the bed, I decided to send him a text. Just one.

Tilian:I just want to check in. Honestly, I’m a little lost here and it sort of feels like I did something wrong or took advantage of u when u were in a bad place or something. Just… text me, I guess.

I wished I could simply go to sleep and hope he’d text me, but that wasn’t how my brain worked. Right now, I was in an anxiety spiral, going over every part of our interaction- his words, my words, his reactions and expressions. I was looking for any sign that he hadn’t actually wanted that. He hadn’t been drunk and I didn’t think he was high. He was emotionally volatile, though, and that was what made me feel like I’d fucked up.

Since I probably wasn’t the best person to go after him right now, I decided to text Sen.

Tilian:Can one of you try to check on Brooks? He’s not good.

Sen:What’s going on?

Tilian:Idk really. He came here… I think it’s really bad. Something is wrong.

Sen:Why don’t you talk to him?

Tilian:I just think it’s better if I don’t. I’m gonna try to sleep.

Sen:Ok. We’ll figure it out.

Hopefully, they could.

I was so fucking scared.

*****

When there was a knock on my door, my heart rate skyrocketed. Sleep had evaded me entirely and it was after midnight, so I assumed I wouldn’t get any rest tonight.

I didn’t bother to put a shirt on before I opened the door. My eyes widened when I saw Sen standing in front of me.

“Hey,” he said, rocking back on his heels with his hands in his pockets. He looked a little awkward, which made me feel slightly better that I felt the same way.

“Uh, hi. What’s up? Did you find Brooks? I’ve been freaking out and my anxiety is so fucking bad, I thought I was gonna be sick.”

He grabbed my bicep gently. “No need to freak out. Let’s talk.”

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