Page 89 of Defend Me

“Oh, sure.”

I motioned for him to come in, then grabbed the first hoodie I found. Once I was no longer in a state that might get me murked by his boyfriend, I sat at the head of the bed and folded my legs in front of me.

“We found him,” he said as he sat down.

“Fuck, thank god. Where was he?”

“Home. He let us in this time. Kai is there.”

I nodded, feeling relieved about that, even as I wondered if I should’ve gone. It was best this way, though. They’d known him longer and they wouldn’t let him bury his emotions by using their bodies.

“Can you tell me what happened? Did he say anything to you?”

“Is he okay?” I asked instead of answering his questions.

He stared at me for a minute, expressionless. It made me squirm and I wondered if he knew how I’d handled the situation. Maybe that why he was here, to tell me I’d fucked up or that I shouldn’t see him again. The idea made my eyes sting.

“Hey,” he said gently. When I looked at him again, his expression was kind. “I’m just trying to make sure you’re okay. Both of you.”

“He hadn’t answered my texts all week,” I began, wringing my hands in my lap. “He showed up at my door earlier and he was a mess, just all over the place, barely keeping himself together. Um, he told me I should stay away from him.”

“Why?”

“Because he would hurt me.” My eyes fell to the comforter. “I didn’t care about that, I just wanted to help him. He… said that he did something.”

“Did he say what?”

“No, and I wouldn’t tell you even if he did. Sorry.”

“Don’t be. You don’t want to break his trust.”

“I don’t know if I have that anymore.”

Sen leaned forward and took my hand. It made the emotions surface and I couldn’t stop a tear from escaping my eye.

Sniffling, I grabbed my pen from the nightstand and took a long hit. When I offered it to him, he took it tentatively.

“How do you smoke this if you have anxiety? I tried it and it made me panic.”

Despite everything, I laughed. “It helps me. Depends whatd you smoke too. Everyone reacts differently, but that one might not make you freak out.”

He took a small hit before he handed it back to me.

“He does trust you,” he said after a while. “Your name was one of the first things out of his mouth when we got there. He said he needed to know if you were okay.”

“Is that why you’re here?”

“That and I was just worried because of your texts. We’re friends, remember?”

“Yeah… I guess the tables turned this time.”

“Quid pro quo.” He scooted back to lean against the wall. “Thank you for texting me. He’s… not okay. He won’t tell us, but I’m glad he’s not alone right now.”

“Has he been like this before?”

“Not that we’ve seen. He’s Brooks, though. Even if he had, we probably wouldn’t know. If you didn’t say anything, we’d probably see him next week and he’d seem perfectly normal.”

“I hate that,” I said with a sigh. “I want to know him.”

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