Page 91 of Defend Me

Dean, Oliver, and Tilian were at a table outside of the cafeteria. There was a banner across the front of it that said,Mental Health Isn’t Taken Seriously Enough. Change My Mind.

The thing made me laugh. Tilian thought it’d be funny because of some meme trend that I vaguely remembered back when it was more popular.

While I continued the rest of the way, I slowed my breathing so that they wouldn’t know I’d rushed here. I’d shown up at eleven on the dot because I’d meant to. A wizard is never late, nor is he early. Yadda yadda yadda.

With my hands in my pockets, I stopped in front of the table and smiled. “I’d love to answer some questions about mental health. Lay it on me.”

Dean frowned, but he didn’t look as hostile as the last time I’d seen him. “Nice of you to show up.”

I checked the time on my phone, then turned it around to show him. “As usual, I’m absolutely perfect.”

I wanted to avoid Tilian’s stare, but it was rude and I just couldn’t. Forcing a brighter smile, I looked at him. It was obvious that he was uncertain about, well, everything.

“Hey,” Oliver said, forcing my attention away from Tilian. “I haven’t seen you all week. You okay?”

“I’m great. Just got this stomach bug that tried to kill me, but I’m better now.”

“That’s good to hear. If you need notes from class, I can share.”

“Actually, yeah. Thanks, man.”

“Of course.”

A guy with shockingly red hair came up to look at one of the pamphlets. I squared my shoulders and readied myself to lay on the charm. We needed surveys, after all.

Dean was talking to a few girls who looked more interested in him than the survey. It made my lips twitch when Oliver joined them. He was boisterous and made the girls laugh, but I saw his gaze flit to Dean a couple of times.

I still hadn’t figured out if he was gay. More accurately, I hadn’t figured out if he had accepted that he was crushing on a man. It was pretty obvious unless he was in some hardcore denial. Dean wassuper duper straightand, to be fair, I hadn’t seen him show interest in Oliver.

Poor guy. I wanted to tell him to find someone who could give him what he wanted, but that felt a little hypocritical at the moment. I still hadn’t figured my own shit out.

The fact that Tilian thought he’d done something wrong made me want to pull him aside and clear everything up. I just didn’t know what to say. If he’d come over when I texted him, I would’ve tried to explain it, but he said it wasn’t a good idea. I still wasn’t sure what that meant. Judging by the way he’d been avoiding me since I got here, I had a bad feeling about the state of our relationship.

It was for the best. I’d been saying that for a long time, but I was too weak to cut it off. If he’d chosen to do that now, I wouldn’t stop him. He deserved more. He deserved everything that I couldn’t give him.

He shouldn’t be with someone like me, a guy who led him on without committing to him. Someone who didn’t know how to stop playing games. A fucked up man who slept with faculty to get ahead. One with parents who encourage that shit.

Tilian was just leaning against the building. I hadn’t expected him to talk to people, but he looked lost in his head. When he met my eyes, I turned away. I wanted to go over to him, to ask how he was feeling, but I didn’t.

*****

The story of my life

“Why do you look like that?” West asked.

I glanced up at him, then immediately regretted it when I witnessed him shove an entire cookie into his mouth. Gross.

“I’m peachy.”

“Lies. Looks like unrequited love to me.”

“Oh, it’s very requited,” Sen said with a conspiratorial smile.

“You’re too nosey,” I said. “Maybe you should pay attention to your boyfriend. He seems lonely.”

When I looked at Kai, he was watching something outside. People, probably. He was in golden retriever mode.

One would think that they’d lay off since it’d only been a few days since they came to my place. In a way, though, I was glad they were acting normal.

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