Page 93 of Defend Me

The smirk on his face while Kai narrowed his eyes at him made me laugh. He was becoming such a problem in the best way.

Unfortunately, his words had me thinking about the way Tilian’s dick had felt in my mouth. It was a short trip from that memory to him having my dick in his mouth. If it wasn’t completely unhealthy, I’d claim it as my cure to all of my mental health concerns.

Maybe that should be part of our project.A good blowjob is the cure to depression. Change my mind.

It wouldn’t have been the same with just anyone, though. For some reason, I was hung up on this one. Again, why couldn’t I have him?

The entire time I thought about it, Dean’s words rang in my head, over and over again like the incessant toll of a really fucked up bell.

Will walking around on feet soaked in blood get you where you’re going?

I didn’t know when I’d become so weak. There was some fucking blight inside of me, infecting me. Like I told Dean, love ruined people’s potential. Maybe I didn’t want potential if it didn’t lead me back to Tilian.

I needed to see him. We’d figure this shit out. He didn’t ruin me. He made me feel better.

If he gave you his heart, all you’d know how to do is crush it beneath your fancy shoes.

Dean was a dick and he was wrong. With him, it wasn’t a game. I did care about him. Too much.

Fuck. I needed a lobotomy.

“He’s sweet,” Sen went on. “I love him.”

“You love him, huh?” Kai said in a low voice.

“Oh, shut up. I’ve never wanted any dick but yours.”

“Hm. I’m beginning to think you’re losing interest. You love Tilian, you called Linc hot the other day.”

Sen leaned closer to him. “I’ll show you how interested I am right now.”

Kai yanked him to his feet. “Bye.”

I laughed while they headed out of the building. They weren’t going in the direction of the parking lot and I didn’t want to know which part of campus was about to get a dose of them.

Chapter 28

“Sometimes, you have to step outside of the person you've been and remember the person you were meant to be. The person you want to be. The person you are.”

Brooks

The place where modern Ghandi lives

“Hey, bitch.”

Kai looked up from his phone with narrowed eyes. “How’d you get in here?”

“Door was unlocked.”

“I don’t think it was.”

With a wink, I joined him in the kitchen. He was sitting on top of the counter with his legs hanging and ankles crossed. The apartment was extremely quiet, so I assumed he was the only one home.

I hopped up onto the island across from him. While I watched him continue on his phone, I brought my legs up to sit criss cross. I was pretty sure he was playing some sort of fighter game. Every once in a while, his teeth sunk further into his lower lip.

The guy really was dreamy. As I stared, though, I realized that I didn’t feel an active attraction toward him.

Looking at his lips, I thought about Tilian’s soft ones, which formed a smile brighter than the sun. Kai’s eyes were dark green and I wished I could see his blue ones, the color of the sea under the faint illumination of the moon.

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