‘Kack off.’
The insult that we’d used to give each other when we were children made us both laugh. I flung myself on the settee next to Dan and gave him a proper big sloppy kiss on the cheek.
‘Thank you!’
He screwed up his face in a fake throwing-up way and wiped the kiss away with the back of his hand – again, like he used to when we were kids. It was amazing how quickly we’d stepped back into our childhood lives. We both laughed as we locked eyes.
‘I love you, sis.’
‘I love you too.’
‘Good, because we’re going for a walk in the fresh air. It’s good for the soul.’
He was so very right. Walking amongst the trees, the sun casting its magic spell as it weaved its way through the trunks, making sure we knew that it was always there, was pure bliss – Mother Nature doing her thing – and it filled my heart with joy. I didn’t do this enough. Living by the sea had kind of made me forget that I loved to be in the woods too. Nature was amazing. The sound of silence and only the clearest shrill of birdsong was balm to the soul and my spirits were lifting with every minute.
‘It’s OK to have a pity party, you know, Nance, but you’ve had it now and you need to get some normality back in your life.’
‘That’s rich coming from you.’
‘Yeah, I’ve realised that. But since I’ve been here, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and I’m ready to make some changes. Yeah, so I do love Sabrina, but she’s not good for me and I’ve realised now that I do want more. I do want to be treated properly – all the time. I don’t want cling on to those nice moments while I’m being treated like shit. I know you’ve been influenced negatively by our relationship, but I’ve been influenced positively by you and Dennis and what you had. I could see in his eyes every time he looked at you, the love shining through. The way he helped you. The way that you were, well, you know, a team. Working at the shop together was like you’d always been that way and that you were meant to be. That’s why I was so surprised when we found out what we did. It just doesn’t fit with what we know of him.’
‘Me too. I can’t believe it to be honest. I’ve done nothing but think about it over the last few days.’
‘Yeah, I got that.’
I smacked him on the arm and he slung his arm around my shoulder and pulled me close while we continued to walk, the leaves crunching underneath our boots.
‘Do you not want to hear what he’s got to say?’ Dan asked eventually.
‘No, I can’t right now.’
‘Maybe it would help.’
‘Nah, I don’t think so. It’s done now. I could never trust him again.’
‘But you haven’t heard his side.’
‘Why are you sticking up for him all of a sudden?’
He handed me an envelope.
‘Vi gave Mum a letter to give to you.’
Coming to a halt, I stared at the envelope in my hand. I could tell it had been written with shaky hands.
‘You don’t have to read it now but maybe when you’re feeling a little stronger, you should. Vi apparently said that she wanted to explain a few things to you.’
‘Oh!’ It was the only word that I could find. After a few seconds, I put the envelope into the back pocket of my jeans and linked my arm with Dan. The letter felt like it was burning a hole in my pocket but I was determined that I wasn’t going to read it until I went to bed that night. Today, I just needed some time to be me.
32
My brother had always been great company and I loved spending time with him. After a lovely morning together pottering in the woods, we went out for lunch and then headed back to the lodge and because he’d had a couple of beers with lunch, he decided he was going for a snooze.
I retrieved the envelope from my pocket and sat and looked at it for five whole minutes before going to make a mug of hot chocolate. Dan had decided that these few days were for totally indulging ourselves. He was fed up of being controlled by Sabrina, to the stage where she even told him what he could and couldn’t eat and drink, so he’d thoroughly enjoyed the lunch of massive pastry-topped pie and creamy mashed potato with a good helping of broccoli, carrots, peas and beans.
I squirted some cream on the top of my drink and sprinkled it with chocolate shavings and mini-marshmallows. Lush.
The envelope was propped up against the fruit bowl which was sat on the coffee table in the middle of the room. The letter needed to not be calling out to me, so I went and put it under my pillow. I put the TV on low, and watched a couple of quiz shows – I always felt that they were great to get your brain going and thehosts were always good fun, making them really entertaining. I also had a huge crush on Ben Shepherd and he certainly cheered me up. When Dan came back from his power nap, we continued to watch them, shouting out the answers and laughing at some of the random things that came out of our brains when put under pressure.