Page 69 of The Bookshop at the Cornish Cove

He went to speak but I cut across him.

‘He’d get better than you every day of the week. You’ve never been and never will be good enough for him. He’s worth a million of you and we’re all just so delighted that he’s finally realised it. Are these his?’ I tilted my head towards some boxes in the hall.

She nodded, stunned into silence.

I pushed past her and Dan and headed to the boxes, strength I didn’t even know I had taking over my body. Dan stood with his mouth open, staring at me.

‘Come on, Dan. Help me put these in the car.’

Sabrina finally found her voice again. ‘Go on, Dan, do as your sister tells you. You’re nothing, you know, without a strong woman behind you, telling you what to do. You haven’t got the bottle to make decisions yourself.’

Dan brought himself up to full height and approached her. I hoped to God he wasn’t going to do anything stupid. His face was as close to hers as he could get and she had nowhere to go because the wall was right behind her.

‘I’d rather be on my own than with you, Sabrina. You can find someone else to play your little games with. I’m done.’

‘Fuck you!’ She spat in his face and spittle from her mouth landed on his nose.

He was totally dignified when he grabbed the rest of his belongings from the hallway and took them to the car.

‘I’ll take these for now and I’ll be back at twelve tomorrow for the rest. Make sure you’re out. I’ll leave the key behind me.’

‘Keep the key,’ she said, in a quieter voice, beginning to plead with him now. ‘You never know when you might want to come back.’

‘I said I’ll leave it tomorrow. I’m done.’

He held his head high and walked back to the car. Sabrina was leaning on the door frame. I didn’t know whether her tears were real or fake. I did know that Dan’s hands were shaking ashe tried to put the key into the ignition and turn it. He put his hand on the gear knob ready to put the car into reverse, and I covered his hand with mine.

‘I’m so fucking proud of you.’

‘Come on, let’s go. I can’t quite believe I just did that. I need a stiff one.’

‘Don’t we all,’ I replied flippantly.

He threw his head back and laughed. My brother was back. My job here was done.

‘You should be so lucky,’ he said. ‘God, look at us pair. Both single?—’

‘And ready to mingle,’ I finished for him. We both laughed again.

‘It is Christmas, after all. Maybe we can jingle too.’

‘Come on, let’s go and drop the car off and go to the pub. I need me a drink. I’m not intending to get shit-faced but a beer or two with my little sis is just what’s needed right now.’

45

Unlocking the door at Books In The Bay the following morning felt very different. Opening my little bookshop really had been a dream come true, but now it felt like there was something missing. Or should I saysomeonemissing. In the short space of time that Dennie had been in my life, he’d carved out a position for himself. But now, instead of us sitting together planning and plotting, I felt like I was just passing time. Days seemed longer without him in them and the nights seemed to go on forever. I hadn’t realised what a routine we’d got ourselves into, quiz nights at the pub, walks on the beach, fish and chips in the harbour. Just being with each other was enjoyable. And I’d gone and thrown it all away because I was too stubborn to see someone else’s point of view; too quick to pass judgement and think badly of someone. If I’d just let him explain at the time, we wouldn’t have spent the last week apart and Dennis now would not be over five and a half thousand miles away, not just in another country but a whole flipping other continent.

Dad was constantly wearing his I-told-you-so expression. He had spent most of my childhood years telling me that all is not always as it seems.

‘Reasonable people listen to explanations, Nancy. Give people the chance to tell the whole story.’

He was saying that I’d been unreasonable. I should have known he’d be on Dennie’s side.

The one good thing in my life was that Dan had given in his notice at work and was sowing the seeds for his own business, working on pieces that he thought he’d be able to sell easily and quickly for a decent profit. He’d been making some lovely book boxes for me, which I was selling in the shop. I had my own by my bedside table and a little wooden box with handles, which was just the right size to hold about six books when they were upright. We called them our TBR boxes. I put a picture of mine on the shop’s social media page and the response was incredible. I was selling and shipping them as quickly as he was making them. I’d even been asked whether I’d hold a workshop for a book club in Truro who wanted to come and decorate their own.

As I planned it in the diary, along with two others for the following year, I thought how proud Dennie would have been of me for thinking ahead and getting these exciting projects off the ground as well. Christmas was looming and the orders were coming in thick and fast so I suppose everything was keeping me busy even though he was never far from my thoughts.

Canada seemed a million miles away. Dennie seemed so very far away from me. I still felt this constant ache in my tummy, which I presumed was loss, and even though I was functioning, I felt totally numb and wandered around in a cloud of sadness. I had allowed myself to get carried away thinking about a future with him. About us maybe moving in together, eventually getting married, even the possibility of having a family and like he said in his letter, growing old together. But it clearly wasn’t meant to be. Maybe I wasn’t cut out for a relationship. Perhaps I was better on my own.

---