Page 74 of The Bookshop at the Cornish Cove

He dropped me off at the hotel entrance and I waved as he drove away. Going back into my hotel room that evening should have felt a million times worse than it did and I thanked God for genuinely wonderful people in this world we live in.

‘Have you enjoyed your stay, madam?’ the receptionist’s sing-song voice asked me as I checked out the next morning.

I hesitated before answering. ‘It wasn’t quite what I was expecting but yes, in the end I did.’

‘Well, that’s good to hear. I hope to see you again soon.’

As I walked away, dragging my case behind me, I realised that I would probably never return to this hotel again. And possibly never again to London. I had mixed memories. Ralph had somehow turned a shitty day into a really pleasant experience, but I just wanted to be back at home now, sat around the table in our kitchen with my mum, Dad and bickering with our Dan. Maybe it was OK if that was what my happy-ever-after was meant to look like. Times change after all. Maybe fairy tales do too.

49

I’d texted Mum and said I didn’t want to talk about it but would be on the first train out of Paddington at 6a.m. Dad picked me up from Truro and I arrived back in the bay just before twelve and decided to go straight to the shop for a few hours. When I arrived, it turned out Mum and Dan were already there, as well as a steady stream of customers. I got to work straight away, trying to welcome the distraction and avoid the pitying glances that Mum and Dan were giving me.

I knew we were a funny bunch in Driftwood Bay and we were properly stuck in our ways and when Mum said we’d be having tea at the bistro before going to the pub, I said that I didn’t feel like going after my long day of travelling.

‘Well, I’m not taking no for an answer. Otherwise you’ll just sit at home and mope. And we don’t do that in our family. So we’re going and that’s that! It’s the Christmas pub quiz tonight, so we have to go.’

I felt the huge loss of not having Dennie in our team. There were a handful of questions that we all knew that he would have been able to answer but thankfully no one mentioned it. I’dhoped that Vi would have come along but Mum said she wasn’t feeling great and didn’t fancy a night out.

It was cold on our walk back to the house, crisp with a frost forming but a clear inky sky, lit up by a million twinkly stars.

‘I’ll be in shortly, Mum. I’m just going to have five minutes down in the harbour.’

She kissed my temple. ‘OK, darling. Don’t be long though. It’s cold.’

I sat on a bench in the harbour, watching the boats sway on the water, a feeling of heaviness within that wouldn’t lift. The halyards clinking was a sound that I didn’t normally notice that much after living here for so long but tonight it was the only sound in the air. In my fairy tale, my film star boyfriend would come and sit next to me on the bench and after a few moments of silence just say hi. Then he would declare his undying love for me, take me in his arms and kiss me passionately before taking me home, throwing me on the bed and, as Vi would say, roger me senseless.

I looked across at the empty space beside me on the bench and sighed loudly, wondering what Dennie would be doing right then. Was he with her? Were they planning to spend Christmas Day together? On her yacht? Had he forgotten about me already? Were all those words of his lies? Did he mean any of it?

Heavy footsteps interrupted my thoughts and a shadow fell across my lap, blocking out the light from the street lamp. The bench dipped as someone sat next to me and snaked their arm around my shoulder and I found myself folding into them, crying quietly into their parka jacket.

‘It’s OK, sis. I’ve got you.’

And my brother rocked me until, sniffing loudly and wiping at my nose with my sleeve, I suggested that we went home. I fell into bed and slept like a log.

50

‘Today doesn’t feel the same without you,’ I said, leaning forward over the grave. ‘I have such amazing memories of you coming over every Christmas Eve and as kids it was nearly as exciting as Christmas Day because we were always allowed to open our present from you. I loved those times. We were always allowed to stop up late and had such fun playing board games together.’

Kneeling down on the gardening pad I’d brought with me, I removed all the dead flowers that were lying around. I placed them, along with a few stray leaves, in a cloth bag, replacing them with the beautiful poinsettia I’d brought with me. Dan and I had always bought one of these plants for Mum and one for Aunty Theresa at Christmas. Just another little family tradition that made things feel extra special.

‘You’d have made a wonderful mum, Aunty T. You have been a second mum to me all my life and I can’t tell you how much I miss you. I know you told us not to come to your graveside, because you wouldn’t be here, but I just wanted to come by today. It’s been quite a funny few months. I don’t know if you know everything that goes on down here, and if anyone islistening to me they probably think I’m stark raving mad for talking to you, but I’m not entirely sure how all this works.’

I adjusted my position.

‘I’ve always been able to talk to you about anything. Your advice has been invaluable to me over the years and I could really do with it now. I met someone, you see. I thought he was… you know… the one. I feel so stupid now for thinking it. I’ve made a fool of myself in front of everyone. You always did say I had a trusting nature, but this time I think it got the better of me. I trusted someone who I thought loved me as much as I loved them, but it turned out not to be quite what I thought. I know I’ll get over it given time. But right now, I’m just really, really sad.’

A stray tear rolled down my cheek and I brushed it away with the back of my hand.

‘Some days, I forget you’re not here any more. I do something at the shop and think, I must tell Aunty T about that, but then it hits me all over again that I can’t. Mum lets on that she’s OK, but I’ve heard her crying and talking to Dad about you. She tries really hard to put on a brave face and says that we have to live our lives to the full, because not everyone has that privilege. She talks about how she hated you when she first met you but how she gave your friendship a chance and what firm friends you became.’

Their friendship was something so special. I’d watched them over the years and longed for a friendship like theirs, but there wasn’t really anyone in my life like that. As a child, I always had my nose in a book and then I moved away to go uni and was soon back again. With Driftwood Bay being such a small place, I suppose those that never moved away had made their friends by then. I’d just never found that person for me. I think that’s why I fell so hard for Dennie. I’d felt like we really were becoming the best of friends. And I missed my friend.

‘I really wish with all my heart that you were able to see my gorgeous little bookshop and know how grateful I am to you for giving me the money to realise my dream. I know I had a bit of a rocky start, but the last thing I would ever have wanted would be to let you down and I hope that now I’ve had some great help, you are proud of what I’ve achieved. I would never want to disappoint you. You mean – meant – the world to me and you always will, and I feel like a little bit of you lives on in the bookshop. I hope you are always around me, watching over me, protecting me. I’ll never forget you.’

I closed my eyes, picturing Aunty T. sat in the wing-back armchair in the bay window of my shop overlooking her beloved Driftwood Bay. I did know that she’d have been the biggest supporter I could have had and would be telling all her friends about the shop. She was a huge bookworm herself and I remembered vividly the weekends when I used to go and stay with her and we used to have quiet time where we’d both sit and read. She really was the one that made me realise it was OK to be a book nerd. Book nerds were – and are – cool.

‘I could sit here talking to you all day, Aunty T., but my backside is starting to go numb. I hope you like your plant. I might not have Dennis with me for Christmas, but I have everything else in my life that I need: a fabulous family, a gorgeous bookshop and some wonderful memories. Thanks for the chat. Merry Christmas.’

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