“I know what I said, but that doesn't mean you want him to suffer. Wishing harm to someone else for the pain they've caused won't heal you.”
“Maybe not, but it'll make me feel a little better. That's got to count for something.”
Blue ran her fingers through my hair, taking a small piece and twirling it around her finger. “I'll see you later, get some rest.” She didn't try to talk me into another emotion, she didn't try to convince me that I didn't hate my father, Blue just gave me one last smile and walked out of the room.
I knew hate was a horrible thing to hold onto. It fed your insides like maggots fed on dead birds, wriggling and crawling all over your body as long as that hate was right in front of your face, laying there with a vile smell that sat in the back of your nose. You couldn't get rid of it, you couldn't erase it, all it did was rot the world around you.
Blue didn't really understand what it felt like to truly hate someone, because she had no one to hate, no one to fill her with blackness. She saw the bruises on my face, she saw the pain my father caused, but she didn't live in it.
And she doesn't see how she's saved me over and over.
Hate was a living, breathing thing that had strengths and weaknesses. I just never saw the weakness. All I could do was imagine the future, imagine myself leaving, moving far away.
I couldn't wait for that day.
Now, I just needed to convince Blue to come with me.
Chapter Nine
Jayden
––––––––
“Run away with me.”
“What?” she asked, her jaw crooked to one side as she stared up at me like I was crazy. “Run away with you? You're not serious.”
“I am.” Arching a brow, I reached out and took her hand. “I'm very serious, run away with me. We can leave, I have enough money to take us anywhere you want. I'll take care of you.”
Running my thumb over her knuckles, I drew small circles over her skin, feeling the warmth and softness of her flesh as it passed from her hand to mine. I was smiling instantly, every muscle in my body coming alive.
I wanted to throw her over my shoulder and take off, whisk her away to a place where we could live our lives, where no one judged us together or apart. I wanted to be able to love her freely, and we couldn't do that here.
Her eyes drifted around my face, looking deep into mine, reading my thoughts. She knew me, she knew me better than I knew myself.
“It won't work the way you think it will.” Blue pulled her hand free, crossing her arms as she pursed her lips. “Jay, we can't just run away, it's not that easy. I have school, I have my parents, I—”