Chapter 21
Past Scars
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AFTER HE HELPED MEclear the glass and dry the floor, and put two bandages on my palm for the tiny cuts, we sat together on my couch. The food I'd ordered was still warm; I quietly shared it with him.
There was one plastic fork, and neither of us went to fetch one from my kitchen, so I fed him a bite for each of my two. We didn't do much talking until the last few noodles were soaking in the sauce puddles at the bottom of the box.
Conner pushed it aside, opening his arms to me. It was a relief to climb into his lap, his biceps wedging me against his body.
I couldn't resist asking any longer. “What made you come here?”
“I had to see you.”
“But you didn't even text me. Not a word since... since we...”
“I know,” he said miserably. “I can't begin to tell you how hard it was to resist calling you. I came close every single hour. I barely slept, Maya. There were so many things I needed to tell you. Things that couldn't be said on the phone.”
My fingernail trailed over some of the ink on his arm. “Is that why you deleted the app.”
He tensed under me. “You noticed.”
“I was thinking about you a lot, too.”
Conner let out a slow breath, his limbs enclosing my body rigidly. “After what happened, I couldn't handle having the app around. I deleted it immediately, probably before you got back to your place.”
“So here we are. Days later.” I looked at the tendons in his forearm as I spoke. I worried if I saw his expression, his emotions, I'd forget that wewerebroken up. He saved me today, but that didn't fix what he'd done. “You wanted to talk in person. This is your chance. Talk.”
“Maya, I couldn't handle leaving things the way we did. I know that hearing the truth about everything isn't enough to fix the way I hurt you.” Once more he squeezed me, like he was aching for a response; I gave him nothing. “You might never forgive me. But telling you my side of the story... you deserve to know.”
His heart thudded through his chest against my ear. I shut my eyes and listened.
“Do you remember when I told you I didn't like exes?” he asked.
“Mn.”
“I wasn't trying to be funny.” He brushed a hand over my hair absently. “You aren't the first woman I've been engaged to.”
I bolted upright to stare at him. “What?”
“Two years ago.” He wasn't smiling. I couldn't read his expression, it was flat as paper. “Her name was Delani. We dated for five years. And then... a month after I proposed... she cheated on me with her ex.”
My eyes bulged. “Oh my god. That's terrible.”
“It was,” he agreed, laughing bitterly. “In retrospect I should have seen it coming. I'd tried not to be jealous of him, always gave them both the benefit of the doubt. She asked him to be her Man of Honor at our wedding. I remember talking to my mom about that, and she just laughed and told me Delani always walked her own path, what did I expect?”
It had been some time since he'd mentioned his mom to me.
He paused before speaking again. “That was one of the last things we talked about, the wedding. I'd been looking at venues and was chatting with Mom about ideas. Delani hated everything I'd looked at—that's how I knew what it would cost to rent the Annie May.”
“She hated the Annie May?” I really didn't understand this girl.
Conner gathered himself, his voice hoarse. “Mom's stroke happened while I was home, sleeping soundly on printed out wedding paperwork, unaware her life had just been snuffed out. I remember the phone call vividly. Her neighbor had found her the next morning and called the cops, who called me, and...” He cleared his throat. “Delani had a work trip out of town, so she couldn't come to the funeral. I didn't want to guilt her into ending her plans for me, and I think I was still in denial, not really believing my mom was gone, so I went by myself.”
“I can't believe she didn't go to the funeral,” I mumbled. “Was her job that important?”
He gave me a bemused look. “Funny thing about that. When I got back, I went to her place. I was a mess. Anxious, needing to do something besides sit with my thoughts. We hadn't moved in together yet. She wanted to wait until after the wedding. Anyway, she had this loose bed-frame she always complained about. I was going to fix it as a surprise.