Page 48 of Anti-Player

She rolls her shoulders, like a boxer prepping for a fight. Paige is in the middle of the biggest battle—rallying bravely in front of her haters—and the lines in her tired face are war paint. “For the last year you've known me as the bouncy 3D Fawn of the Dead character. I designed her from scratch, and I admit, I was proud of her. All that work to create someone who I could use to connect with all of you... to have her be my mouth-piece for truth and honesty.” Paige halts, gathers herself. “But it was a mistake. And my biggest regret.”

I notice my hands are hurting. Looking down, I see I'm squeezing the tops of my thighs. When I make myself stop my fingers keep throbbing.

Paige laughs from a hollow place. “What was I thinking, right? How can I claim to be all about honesty when I was a liar from the start? You didn't know who I was. I pretended to be someone else so I could win you over, make you like me, but what's the point of gaining your trust if I do it with lies? I'm not Fawn. I'm Paige. I'm messy and frantic and I sometimes make bad jokes. I try to be clever and then I spend hours at night reliving something dumb I said, wishing I could go back in time and change it. I have hangups... I forget to wash my clothes... I order too much UberEats and live in a tiny apartment with roaches and I'm jealous of others who have more than me. I'm not perfect, and you all deserve to see me for what I am.”

She's spilling her guts. I have my fingers over my phone, on the edge of logging in so I can speak up, defend her, tell her she's wrong. To me she's perfect, how can she say such awful things about herself?

Before I can do anything, I glance at the chat.

There are less threats. There are some hearts... some custom pink deer emojis... and some crying faces.

Her viewers were responding to her rawness.

They're listening.

And they're sympathetic.

The screen pings with a tip.

:

DonutGirl has tippedten dollars!

Don't cry Paige!!!

:

Paige sniffles, wipesher eyes. Her tears are spilling over so suddenly her hands can't hold them back. Her eyes glisten, lips twisting as she shakes with fresh sobs. “I'm really sorry,” she croaks. “Really, really sorry. This is me. I'm someone who hid things from you. Not just my real face or name, but the fact I was giving the Secret Reader a second chance. I sprung that on you all out of the blue, I'm sorry!”

More tips spring in; five, ten, twenty dollars.

:

Don't give up, Paige!

I forgive you!!

:

I'm baffled by theturn of events. Sitting back, fingers linking over my mouth, my heart punches against my ribs until I'm bruising on the inside. She's reaching them. She's actually reaching them.

Paige hiccups, shakes her head. She says, “There's more. I'm not done. I'm putting it all out there. It's not just the fact I agreed to test the Secret Reader to give a better review. It's that... it's that everything I did behind the scenes... the photos you all saw of me and Mikel Hause... they were real.” She covers her mouth, squeezes her eyes shut, shaking like a leaf. “I went out with him. We had dinner. We dated in secret and I hid it all from you, and I hid it from my Mom, and my friends, and... and I hid my feelings even from me. Because I love him. I love Mikel Hause.”

The air wheezes out of me. I fill back up, become a balloon, floating away into the sky, unburdened by gravity. She loves me? I look at my hands, at the lines criss-crossing them, like they can explain this amazing fact anymore than my brain can.

She loves me.

Paige loves me.

And her viewers love her revelation as much as I do. The messages explode, every single one of them packed with joy. Emotes spin by in colorful rainbows. Tips pile up, ringing loudly, until Paige is sitting open-mouthed, gazing in disbelief.

She looks down at the chat-box, then she looks back at the camera. It moves, she's carrying it, and I know she's streaming from her iPhone. “Oh my god,” she manages in a weak voice. “What's happening? Why are you all being so nice? Can't you hear what I'm saying? I lied to you, I was selfish, how can you forgive me for that?”

:

WE FORGIVE YOU!!!!

PAIGE WE LOVEYOU

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