Page 79 of Forbidden Love Still Blooms

I can be with Jordan.

Jordan, who isn't the first man to tell me he loves me. But the first one I believed.

“Dez would kill us if he knew we were discussing this,” Jake says.

“He doesn't have to know,” I insist. “I won't say anything. Why would I?”

“I dunno,” Chico sighs. “Big risk.”

“Let me put it this way,” I say, turning down a curved road. The ocean is visible for a moment between the houses, then gone again as we enter a cul-de-sac. “Dezmond is never going to give you the security you need. He won't even bail you out of jail with any urgency. I doubt he'd have done it at all if I wasn't here to front the money. But you get me that letter, and I'll pay you two grand up front, then ten grand each, every month, for the rest of your lives.”

They whistle. It would be comical if I wasn't terrified. My offer is out in the open and I can't take it back. They don't know I can't pay it, either, because I've got barely two grand left to my name. Windy Garden's nets around ten grand a month total. I'm not rich, but they think I am.Thanks, Dad.

I don't remember being grateful for his lottery win before.

“Fine,” Chico says, dropping into the backseat. He folds his arms, shoots a frown at Jake. “I'm in. You?”

Jake chews his thumb. I'm surprised he looks torn, I expected him to jump at the offer. “Alright. Fuck, yeah, alright. Dez can't find out. If you tell him.” He stares hard at me. “Or you.” He looks at Chico. “I'll break both your necks.”

I'm elated, but I take his threat seriously. “Deal.”

“Where do you wanna meet to exchange the cash and the letter?” Chico asks me.

I run through options in my head. I want a semi-public place in case these two turn on me—they're not above it—but I don't want anyone to see us together. I know of one place that works. “My florist shop. Tonight, after eight.”Mom will be home. I'll have the store to myself.

“Sounds perfect,” Jake replies.

Chico raps his knuckle on the window. “That's my house, park here.” I do as he says, and they climb out of the car.

Jake leans inside, his body relaxed, face in a lazy smile. “Thanks again for the ride. You wanna come in? Chico's got some good shit. We don't have to end the fun yet.” His grin grows more lopsided. “And if we're hiding stuff from Dez anyway, well …”

I know what he's hinting at. I swallow down bile, shake my head. “I'm good. See you tonight.”

He gives my roof a few slaps, shuts the door. “Yeah, yeah. Whatever.”

They stroll toward the squat white house with yellowed grass out front. I hear dogs barking—big dogs—but the windows are dark. It's my first time seeing Chico's place, and I think about how hard I fought to get here that night weeks ago. I wonder, if I'd managed to make it over the bridge, would I have changed the course of things?

The inside of my car smells stale from the bags of fast food. I dry heave, pressing the gas to hurry away from this place. But the stench stays with me. Even after I pull over at a gas station to toss the garbage out, it remains on my skin.

I become so desperate that I finally park by the beach where I made sandcastles with Candace. People are swimming in the water, a few families sitting on towels. They watch me with fascination as I sprint from my car and run into the ocean fully clothed. I had enough clarity to remember to leave my phone on my driver's seat this time.

Dunking myself into the waves, I let the water burn my eyes, run over my skin, flow in my nose until I'm gagging. I break the surface to choke on fresh air. The pleasant June water is warm on my skin, but feels like a freezing river winding in my lungs. Floating on my back, I gaze at the vibrant blue sky. It melds with the water, the two shades mixing, separating, depending on how you tilt your head.

I feel better. Cleansed.

For the first time in a while, I think about mermaids. If they were real, would they feel like they belonged underwater? On the land? Would they be like me, thinking they belong nowhere?

I know where I belong. It's a new thought; fresh and vibrant and wilder than roses left to grow on their own.It's a place that's always warm. It waits for me with a velvet smile and eyes greener than grapes on the vine.

Soon, I'll be able to be with him.

After tonight.

Chapter 26

Thereshouldbeahole in the floor from my pacing. I've walked across the store from front to back multiple times since my mother left. She'd been surprised I wanted to stay behind, but I lied and told her Dezmond was going to pick me up here for dinner. Her eyes went hollow at his name, but her smile stayed, and she left me alone.

I check my phone—no messages. The time is ten minutes past eight. I don't expect Jake or Chico to be punctual, they aren't the type, but I'm getting anxious. My last two grand is stuffed in an envelope, stashed in the pocket of a brown apron hanging by the register. I had to scrape five hundred from the register to complete the total I'd promised.It's not really stealing. You'll pay it back later, she'll never know.

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