Page 2 of Impacted by Love

"Oh wow. Okay. Well, the medication will get him squared away soon enough. In the meantime, young man, if you're gonna be having sex, please wear protection so this doesn't happen again. If you're gonna be sexually active at twelve, you need to at least practice safe sex," the doctor informs me with chastising eyes, instantly heating my blood from Mom's audacity and the doctor's attempt at condemning my behavior.

Safe sex only applies to my current age, dude? Wow. You should be advising everyone about engaging in safe sex regardless of age, you idiot. How the hell are you checking me about something I never got to choose? The truth was that my sick ass parents chose their addiction over my innocence by allowing Mom's friend to take my virginity. Mom's friend had given her fifty dollars, erasing all thoughts and common sense from my mom's eyes. While they were sucking on the glass dick controlling their minds, Mom's friend was sliding down my dick in their bed.

"Asaiah Jamal Harrison!" The shouting of my name snaps me out of the memory, consuming my mind.

Plastering on a smile, I walk across the stage at the convention center to receive my high school diploma from my principal. Shaking the principal's hand, I quickly pose for a picture before making my way to the other side. My face becomes downcast when I stare into the audience. Besides Annalise and my best friend Uriah's family, no one is cheering for this significant accomplishment in my life. The knowledge of that is what led me to think about how low my parents had sunk with their drug addiction. The sad shame is that from the age of twelve until I moved out four months ago, my dick had been the source of the funding that supplied my parents with the opportunity to get high.

I can't explain why I continued allowing them to slut me out, but over the years, I had become numb to it. Part of me did it as an obligation, and the other part of me started enjoying the tenderness I would receive while performing with the women who got off on teaching me how to fuck. The first woman Mom allowed to take my virginity was nineteen, which was crazy since she had no business being friends with my mom. From there, it became that young woman's circle of friends who felt she was lying about the size of my dick. The circle of young women remained the same, so I guess I can appreciate Mom not posting an ad for anyone willing to fuck me.

After the first STD, I also got smart about protecting myself by forcing those hos to supply condoms for our trysts. The thought of having to return to a doctor for more antibiotics or something worse had me extremely cautious.

"We did that shit, bro. I'm happy as fuck to be done with this shit," my classmate, John, declares, plopping down next to me after returning to our seats.

"For sure," I reply before looking behind me and winking at Annalise, waving with a wide grin with beads swaying from her movement.

Annalise is seven, and my heart, with her smooth toffee skin that looks like what our mother’s would if drugs weren't ruling her world. When I left my parents' apartment, I did so with my little sister beside me. The crazy thing is Mom and Dad were too high to notice our departure and hadn't reacted since then. It's like neither of them gave two fucks about the children who had been born through their actions. It hurt me to my core because I remember a distant time when life didn't look like this, but it was fleeting.

Andre and Valerie Harrison don't care about anything but how they'd get their next fix, so I need to continue focusing on what's important… Annalise and me. Thanks to the generosity of Uriah's parents, Annalise and I are living in their fully finished and furnished basement until I'm able to get on my feet. I'll be taking online classes for college so I can work and take care of Annalise because she's my responsibility. Taking care of my little sister is my lot in life, and I refuse to allow anything to prevent me from doing it. Therefore, going off to college out of state, like most of my classmates, isn't an option. While I would love to have the full college experience, my selfish ass parents made me a single parent, so I have to stay locally to handle my business.

I'm grateful to the Laytons for allowing me to stay in their house rent-free because although I have a job, I'm trying to clean up my credit. The trifling actions of my parents have left me with horrible credit because they had gotten utilities, apartments, and two credit cards in my name. In my business class senior year, my teacher taught us the importance of credit monitoring and advised us to get a credit report. Imagine doing so only to discover that you're responsible for debts you didn't owe.

Yeah, a nigga definitely knows why the caged bird sings. Only I'm wondering if I'll ever find my freedom and hope because life has given me its ass to kiss.

?

Haveyou ever walked with the Lord all night long, wondering how you were going to pay your bills?

And a still small voice says, 'be strong;sometimes struggle is my will.'

?

Lying here with my arm resting behind my head and my eyes closed, my chest pinches at the lyrics being sung by Shirley Caesar. So many times, throughout my life, I have asked God these questions. Life has been a conundrum. I often feel like I won't survive the many storms I've endured.

"God, while you have given me more money than I had back then, I haven't gotten the plane or the ability to move far away." My words come out heavy from the emotion clogging my throat, and water slowly slips from the corners of my eyes.

At thirty-six, I'm no longer responsible for Annalise's care, as she is now twenty-five and flourishing independently. However, I have traded caring for her to ensure that Andre and Valerie don't succumb to the vice they have yet to give up. Therefore, I'm taking care of two residences: mine and theirs. I moved them out of the projects into a studio apartment about ten minutes from my house. I pay their rent and utilities, along with providing groceries every month.

I have forbidden them from having their drug buddies or their dealers in or around the apartment. Thus far, they have complied with that condition, knowing that crossing me would result in their homelessness. Who knew that the crackheads whose parentage didn't reach further than my existence also valued a warm place to do their drugs and a comfortable place to sleep it off? Many call me crazy for taking care of the two people who have never given me the level of safeguard I provide for them. Yet, my decision didn't come lightly, nor was it easy to reach because of the aftermath I'm living with Andre and Valerie as parents.

My deciding factor was finding out that my mom and dad were sleeping under a bridge. My heart loves them even though I've often fought to receive an inkling of love from them. Therefore, seeing them on the streets is something I can't do despite the ridicule of others about my decision. Even Annalise thinks I'm crazy for ensuring comfortable living for our parents, but I can't turn my back on them. On the other hand, I feel like Annalise has done the same thing to me by staying in Dayton post-college. Yet, it's her life to live, so I try not to hold her leaving me to deal with our parents alone against her. Annalise has no connection with our parents since I raised her, so she doesn't understand or feel any love lost where they're concerned.

Brrnng.

Without shifting my posture or opening my eyes, I use my free hand to tap my earpiece to connect the incoming call. "Hello."

"What's good, man?" Uriah's voice pierces my ear.

Uriah Layton is the friend that God sent to let me know good people exist in the world amongst the ugly ones I had been subjected to. Without him and his family, I would be walking the streets of Ribax without direction or believing that things could still turn around for my good. The Layton family adopted Annalise and me into their family without conditions or expectations. I love them for loving on me and my sister.

"Lying here listening to Shirley Caesar. What do you have going on?"

"Oh. I see you're in your gospel bag today. I ain't doing nothing, just seeing what's up with you. Have you talked to Ma? She called me, saying she ain't talked to her other son in weeks. You know how dramatic she can be about you, so I don't know why you don't be answering her calls and shit."

A grin upturns my lips because Mama Layton be damn near ready to put out an APB if too much time passes between our conversations.

"I'll call her when we hang up. I don't want no smoke with Mama Layton."

"Say less." Laughter echoed around my room when I heard beeping sounds in my ear, letting me know Uriah was no longer on the line.

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