Page 35 of Impacted by Love

I think I lost out on love… again.

My conscience echoes, and my chest pinches with a pain I can't register, causing me to swallow the lump lodging in my throat to formulate a response other than that one.

"When will God allow me to walk away from the stressors of my parents' predicament? All my life, I have been paying for and overcompensating for their fuck ups. I'm tired. My life hasn't been my own since I was born. I just want to live my life without worrying about the shit they get into. This cross shouldn't be mine to bear, but I'm the only person they have. Annalise washed her hands of them years ago, and neither of them has family willing to get involved. Both families gave them to the streets when they started stealing from them, yet nobody considered me. No-nobody…" My words get caught in my throat, and the water falling heavily from my eyes prevents me from seeing.

My shambles don't allow me to chastise myself over cussing while speaking to my pastor. My declarations, while overflowing, still don't bring me comfort or satisfaction, and a boulder still sits heavy on my chest, inflicting pain I can't shake.

"I hear God saying for you to meditate on Matthew 11:28-30. While you have been in this storm since the beginning of your existence, God can give you relief and rest. I also hear God saying to stop running and avoiding the one He sent to strengthen you for your victory lap."

A stabbing pain stretches across my chest at the image of Onesti flashing in my mind, because avoiding her is my way of protecting her from my mess. I’ve already lost out on someone who felt like dealing with my mom and dad was a burden they couldn’t accept. After Mom’s proposition, how can I possibly think that Onesti would willingly walk into any type of future with me?

“I also hear God saying for you can hold unswervingly to the hope you profess for He who promised is faithful. Take Him at His word, brother Harrison. His word will never return unto Him void,” Pastor Reece advises, and I lift my head, wipe my eyes, and take a deep, cleansing breath. “The final thing I will say before I pray is to be strong in the Lord and the power of His might. If He’s graced you for the storm, He can show you the rainbow once it’s over.”

Nodding, I blink slowly, taking in my pastor’s admonishing, feeling the tension within me begin to ease.

“Let’s pray, and then I’m going back to bed,” Pastor Reece says before petitioning the Lord on my behalf.

* * *

Bam. Bam. Bam. Bam.

Intense and urgent knocking at my front door forces me out of my sleep, and I look around the room, registering my living area. My sock-clad feet are hanging off the sofa, and I’m still in my clothes, letting me know that the cognac I had consumed caught up with me. Or the light feeling from Pastor Reece’s prayer had effectively soothed me into a peaceful slumber.

Bam. Bam. Bam.

The knocks continue shaking the walls and prompting me to look at the time on my cable box before moving to see who has lost their mind.1:32 a.m.Walking to the door, I disarm my alarm before unlocking my deadbolts and opening the door with a grimace.

"What the f—Onesti?"

My brain sputters at the sight of Onesti standing at my door with one hand on her waist and the other posturing to knock.

"I'm probably gonna lose my job if any of my superiors discover how far I stooped, but you don't get to duck and dodge me like this, Asaiah Jamal Harrison. I have fucking feelings, too, and if you're gonna end whatever is going on with us, then at least be man enough to do it face to face. I?—"

Snatching Onesti's body to mine, I cut off her rant by kissing her until spirals of ecstasy flow through me, leaving me with a dizzying feeling.

I'm incapable of preventing the punishing, angry, and cruel ravishment of my mouth, and a guttural growl sounds from me when Onesti palms my chest. Little mewls escape her mouth, causing me to deepen the kiss, not ready to release us from the moment as my dick twitches and hardens instantly. Countless minutes later, the urgency for air forces me to disconnect from our lip lock, and Onesti's lips are puffy from the intensity of the kiss. Her breaths come out in pants, and her chest rapidly rises and falls.

"I'm sorry," I say.

The two-word declaration is the only thing I can express at the moment because I can acknowledge how childish my actions have been, yet I didn't see Onesti popping up on my doorstep, especially at this hour.

"You hurt my feelings, Asaiah. I thought we were working toward a relationship. Why did you go ghost on me?" Onesti asks before her body shakes slightly.

"Let's take this inside." Not waiting for her acceptance, I grab her hand and re-enter the warmth of my house before securing the lock again.

My eyes rake over Onesti from head to toe for the first time since opening the door, and a sly grin upturns my mouth. The thin nightshirt on her top half and matching pajama pants confirm the cause of her shivering. The pebbling of Onesti's breasts makes me wonder if she's wearing a bra.

"Tell me why you've been ignoring and hiding from me, Asaiah," Onesti says, crossing her arms over her breasts, effectively blocking my perusal.

"Tell me why this conversation is happening at pussy-popping hours. At this hour, I can only think about whether you're wearing a bra… sports or regular. Then another thought hits me, and I'm curious to know if the satin pajamas covering your lower half are hiding granny panties or a thong."

"A-Asaiah," Onesti whimpers. Her eyes flutter, and I'm on her in the next second, reclaiming her lips in a passionate kiss I'm unable to stop.

My dick becomes painfully hard, and common sense evaporates from my psyche when desire and need collide, taking over. Bending slightly, I lift Onesti off her feet, disconnecting our lips from the effort. Onesti's legs wrap around my waist, and the heat from her core causes me to tighten my hold before quickly moving toward the back of the house where my bedroom is. This is probably one of the best confirmations of why I love having a ranch-style house I've ever had. Depositing Onesti on my bed, I peer intently into her eyes before speaking in a low cadence.

"If you aren't ready to cross this line, now is the time to speak up."

My breaths escape my mouth lightly, and without rushing Onesti into a decision, I simply wait for consent or objection. Taking her choice isn't something I'll ever do, so I silently photograph Onesti's features. Smooth, blemish-free brown skin, almond-shaped eyes, an infinitesimally obscure mark resting on her right ear, her?—

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