Page 43 of Impacted by Love

"You might need to start taking the stairs. That elevator ain't worth the space it occupies in that building."

Nodding, I pull the strap from my bag, placing it in front of me to see what kind of goodies I have today. A smile upturns my lips when I see the exact sandwich I shared with Asaiah the last time I was in this situation.

"Do you know how hard it was not to kiss you the day we were in here together?" I ask.

"Now that I find myself addicted to connecting our lips, I can imagine."

* * *

"I'm in love," I express like word vomit before cupping my mouth while holding my breath, anxious about the response coming.

"Well, the Lord is kind. Who is he?" Mom asks cheerfully.

"His name is Asaiah," I provide before sharing some information with my mom about the man who has given me multiple reasons to surrender my heart to him.

I have never fallen for a man this quickly, but I refuse to question it or analyze the timeframe in which it's happening.

"My question is, are you drawn to his circumstances or his heart? I know the kind of woman I raised you to be, but I want you to be sure."

"That's the thing… Asaiah's heart is a direct result of his circumstances. While I'm not attracted to his pain, I am attracted to his strength to push through it. I love Asaiah for the bruises his circumstances can't force him to showcase or glorify."

"Okay. Here's a piece of unsolicited advice. Be his confidante and light when life wears him out. Men shield themselves in public but can also be seconds from destruction in private. Ensure that he's strong enough for whatever battle he faces by providing him with comfort, peace, and a soft landing when all hell breaks loose. In turn, he'll do the same for you. Relationships are about give and take. We as women are more than sacrificial lambs to make sure that he matches what you bring to the table," Mom advises.

"How can I give him what he needs without losing me in the process of my ability to nurture?"

"Make sure you communicate the things you need from him in order to be whole and not depleted from providing his needs. If his love is real, he'll not only listen, but he'll adjust."

I understand that dating a man like Asaiah, who has a mountain on his shoulders, can be draining even for someone like me, whose given nature is to nurture. Therefore, calling my mom was imperative because she and Dad have long been married, so she understands what it means to be an effective partner. While Asaiah and I are in the early stages of building our relationship foundation, I can see us being together for the long haul. Taking my journey with Asaiah seriously, I'm going to do some research on drug addiction to familiarize myself with everything unknown to me. Aiding him in this process is key, because I no longer want to sit on the sidelines while Asaiah battles his parents’ demons alone.

“The last advice I’ll share is for you to allow God to be in the center of your relationship. Even when we allow our flesh to make us weak and follow the urgings of our bodies, we have to seek God. Therefore, if you haven’t already… pray and ask God which direction He would have you go in. Ask Him how you can be what your man needs. I don’t care what people say. No sin is so great that God won’t listen when you call upon Him. Seek His face, Onesti.”

Mom's words hit me like a dagger in the chest because I have definitely been shying away from praying after Asaiah and I became physical.

"I will. Thank you, Mom," I express after several minutes of silence between us.

"You're welcome. Your father and I would love to meet Asaiah when you're ready. Love you, kiddo."

"Okay. I love you too."

When the line goes silent, I bow my head and do as instructed, removing the distance between God and me in this situation.

"Hey, God, it's me," I start.

"This might bean inappropriate conversation to be having with a man of your stature, but I value your opinion."

"Believe me, it's probably not the worst conversation I've had. What's on your mind?" Pastor Reece asks.

"As a single man, how do you maneuver through the urgings of your flesh? For the first time ever, I'm in a place to slip into my woman's nirvana every time I'm in her presence. How do you do it, man?"

Pastor Reece and I are in his office after Sunday service, and I shouldn't be discussing this topic with him after he's fresh off a powerful Word of God. However, the memory of Onesti's satisfied face from last night had me fighting an erection during the entire service. A chuckle escapes Pastor Reece's mouth, which raises my brows in question.

"What makes you believe I'm single?"

My eyes balloon, and I lean forward, staring at the man responsible for governing my soul. I have never seen Pastor Reece with a woman or heard rumors about him.

"Hold up, you're hiding a woman, Pastor?"

"Private doesn't equate to hidden. I'm strategic in how I move so God's word will never be tainted by other's blasphemy regarding my life."

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