Page 8 of Impacted by Love

When will somebody care about or consider me God? When will?—

"We're here. If you can?—"

"Don't touch me," I instantly snap, frowning at the unexpected hand touching my shoulder.

"I'm sorry. C-can you move to the chair in front of the machine so I can get your films?" Onesti's voice is shaky, and her eyes are looking at everything but me, which has me mentally chastising myself.

Dang, did you have to go all crazy guy on her? Now she won't look at you. Way to go, Asaiah.

* * *

"How are you, brother Harrison?"

"Man, this is a house call. Please call me Asaiah," I say to Pastor Reece.

A wide smirk slides into place before Pastor Reece pulls me into a one-arm embrace while patting me on the back.

"You know, I had to find a reason to mess with you. For real, though, how are you? Your call yesterday caught me off guard a little. Is that the reason for your call?" Nodding toward the bandage on my right hand, Pastor Reece's eyes peer intently into me.

On my way home from the hospital, I called Pastor Reece to see if his schedule was open today. After snapping at Onesti and not being able to hear her voice or receive the presence of her brown eyes, my guilt led me to seek counsel from my pastor. When I dang near bit Dominic's head off for slightly bumping my hand, I knew talking to Pastor Reece was necessary. Over the years, Pastor Reece has not only been the person shepherding my spiritual life but he's also become a friend and mentor.

"Honestly, I'm not doing great. I also must have put the strength of my power into this hand because my left is just bruised," I say, looking at my hands and the aftermath of yesterday's events.

"So, what's going on? Talk to me," Pastor Reece says, taking a seat in the recliner across from my sectional.

"Yesterday had been going so well, and in the blink of an eye, along with a single call from my dad, everything went to hell. I thought I could handle everything because they've been giving me crap most of my life, yet Dad's selfish request had me spiraling and treating my wall like Evander Holyfield preparing for a match." The thickness in my throat and the heat colliding with the tingling in my face prevent me from uttering another word.

Unable to see whatever look Pastor Reece might be wearing, I stare at the muted TV while working to ignore my urge to look at my pastor.

"Psalm 50:15 says: And call upon me in the day of trouble: I will deliver thee, and thou shalt glorify me. I understand that the weight you're carrying feels impossible to bear, yet in the day or, in your case, days of trouble, you've neglected to call on the one capable of delivering you. Out of your mouth, you said you let the situation place you in a state of continuous pain simply because you chose the wrong escape route. Punching the wall wasn't the answer, Asaiah. Seeking the Father was, and while the damage is done, the remedy is still available to you. You have access to the Father… seek him first, the Kingdom of God, and all these things will be added unto you. Don't let your anger become the response to this battle. Let God be your guide."

The water I've been trying to contain slips from my eyes, and I hang my head, biting my lip to prevent myself from wailing like a hungry newborn. Pastor Reece will always get my respect because he's a straight shooter. In the wake of yesterday, the last thing I need or want is to be coddled.

"So,what are you gonna do today? I wish I could spend the day with you," Jarielle says.

Today is my off day, and pampering will be my agenda. Unlike most, I simply want to enjoy trivial things, such as enjoying me, myself, and I, without the pressure of anyone else.

"The first order of business is enjoying one of the specialty coffees at Sipping Thangs Beverages. I plan to sip my coffee while indulging in a quiet space to read with no strings attached."

"Are you really gonna waste the day reading?" Jarielle asks with a bite in her tone that causes me to giggle.

Spending the day reading might appear to be a waste, but to me, it's the perfect way to relax my mind and bask in a pastime that is often scarce for me. In addition to working at the hospital, I attend a survivor's group several times weekly. Initially, I went to deal with the loss of my grandmother. However, I then started going to support the attendees once I was able to come to terms with my grief.

"Don't come for me. Reading is therapeutic, and a girl needs a little therapy to get through some days." My lips upturn because I know Jarielle's comeback can go one of two ways.

Toxic or reserved… how are you coming, bestie?

"This is why you need to spend more time sitting and spinning on something long, veiny, and strong because reading on a day off is ridiculous."

"My Bible tells me that he that findeth a?—"

"Girl, bye. A man ain't gonna be able to find you with your head buried in a book. At least go to the pussy barn and let Ming wax that coochie so it'll be ready whenever God whispers your name in your wannabe man's ear."

"Who is Ming?" I ask, laughing.

"The chick that pulls your baby hairs from your coochie, leaving you crying from the first pull of her wax strip. On second thought, never mind. I forgot you ain't about that life."

My thighs clench at the thought of having my pearl torn in two by some random wax lady.

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