Page 36 of Ruined

Slowly the door closes, and I do as he says, as if I wouldn’t have locked it myself. I use the restroom, wash my hands, and against my better judgment, glance into the mirror.

The gash above my eyebrow from the bathroom is finally scabbing over, and the bruise around it is still a dark purple. Pulling my hood down, I turn my head to the side, the two bite marks placed side by side.

I hate them. I hate all of them.

I blame Tobias and I blame Dad. If they would’ve dealt with the cartel instead of fucking off and doing whatever they wanted, I wouldn’t have been taken. I hate them.

I hate them.

I HATE THEM.

Clutching my fist at my side, I dig my nails into my palm, hard enough to draw blood. Glancing down, I smile when I see the indents I caused and the blood slowly pooling in my palm. After everything I’ve been through, you’d think I should hate the sight of blood, of pain. But I crave it. I want the pain; I want to be strong enough to endure it and feel the pleasure.

A sharp knock at the door causes me to flinch. “Blake?”

Shit. Running my hands under the water once more, I quickly dry my hands before yanking the door open. Jace stands on the other side, leaning against the wall. Why does he have to be so hot? Why couldn’t they just find an ugly bodyguard?

“Caffeine time,” he says, wiggling his brows at me. Rolling my eyes, I shove my hands into my pocket, not wanting him to see.

Jace walks beside me as we make our way to the coolers, searching for whatever drink he wants. After an annoying minute, he reaches inside, pulling threecans of Red Bull out. My eyes widen. He’s going to have a heart attack while driving. He’s going to surely wreck the car, and that’s not how I want to go out. I might be scared of my own shadow, but I like to think I’ll go out in a fight.

“What?” he asks when he realizes I’m making a face at his drink choice.

That’s a lot of caffeine. Hope you don’t die,I sign, not that he has any idea of what I said. Without Gabriel here, it’s been annoying to keep all my side comments and remarks to myself. Sure, he doesn’t know what I’m saying. I could just sign and make him frustrated.

“You should smile more,” Jace murmurs, a hand reaching toward my face. I stand still, scared he might hit me. Biting my cheek, I don’t move. I need to learn to trust him. “Don’t be scared of me,” he whispers. It’s like he read my mind.

“You’re beautiful. You know that.”

My eyes bounce around us. We’re in the middle of a gas station at night, and Jace thinks this is where he should call me beautiful. I almost laugh, shaking my head instead. Jace cups my cheek, tilting my head up, I wait to see what he’s going to do.Kiss me.I want to say the words, but I can’t.

“You should keep your hood off more often.”

That comment makes me stop; my blood runs cold. I know he’s seen the marks on my body, at least a few of them. But I don’t ever remove the hood from my head. I don’t want anyone to see the bite marks on my skin. The fact that they’re Henry’s and Igor’s, it’s not human. I hate it.

“Don’t,” he mutters. How does he know exactly what I’m thinking? I don’t know what I hate more—that I’m beginning to trust my emotions with him or that I’m okay with it.

“Let’s check out so we can get a little further.” He smiles, bending down. I think he’s going to possibly kiss me, but he doesn’t. He stops, and his hand drops.

I press my lips together, hurt. I’m good enough to kiss in private, but not in public.

Well, fuck him.

Finally arriving halfway to Alaska, I stop just outside the border of Canada. While I would normally feel better after stopping, I can’t stop looking over at Blake lying in the bed beside me. Ever since we left the gas station a few hours ago she’s been quieter than normal, and that’s saying something since she’s mute. I tried to figure out what I did or said that caused her to shut down. The only thing I came up with was mentioning her smiling and her hood or that I touched her thigh while I was driving. So after we got back inside, I didn’t touch her, I didn’t want her to be uncomfortable.

So, I don’t understand why she’s so upset and distant with me. I can only assume it’s because I’ve been pushing her. I knew I shouldn’t have kissed her; it was torture not to when we were in the gas station. But I saw the way her body froze when I touched her cheek; her eyes were moving all over the place.

She didn’t want to be touched, and I went and fucked that all up.

“Blake,” I mumble into the dark. “I’m sorry.” I’m not even sure if she’s awake or not, but I needed her to know.

She confirms that she’s awake when she lifts her head slightly and her breathing picks up a bit. My Sunshine was trying to fake being asleep again.

Throwing the blanket off, I grab the whiteboard and marker from the side table, tossing them on the bed beside her.

“We’re going to talk,” I announce, flicking the light on.

Blake glares at me over the blanket, not that it surprises me anymore. She’s either glaring at me or staring at me like I hang the moon. There’s barely any in the middle.

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