Page 26 of Uprising

“You did.”

Breathing heavily, he stumbles back, the mallet slipping from his fingers. Noah's shoulders tremble slightly, rising and falling with uneven, shaky breaths. I’m not sure if he was crying until the quiet sniffle of him trying to catch his breath reaches my ears.

I open my mouth to say something, but I’m not even sure what there is to say. Crying and emotions are not something I’m used to; I’m not even sure I would ever understand either. He was already dead, and for some reason it upsets him.

Even being out in the open, everything feels heavier, sadness swarming around the air.

“Wh–what now?” Noah's voice strains, quivering like he’s about to break all of a sudden.

“Now we find a place for us to rest for the night.” It’s the best answer I have, even though deep down it doesn’t feel good enough. Noah bobs his head, silence hanging heavy over us. “Come on, we've got about thirty minutes before we reach the welcome center. We’ll scope it out and rest there.”

Noah doesn’t say anything, not as he bends down to grab the mallet. Walking to his side, he doesn’t even spare me a glance, a peep, or anything. Worry settles in my bones as he makes the first step, obviously telling me he is in no mood to talk. For the first time my heart breaks as I realize how much Noah feels.

And there’s nothing I can do to help.

CHAPTER16

Noah

Ikilled someone.

He was a dead guy already. But I took a step further and made sure there was no way he was coming back.

Something is wrong with me.

I’m used to feeling too much. But this is completely different. It’s like I’m standing in the middle of a storm, wind and rain lashing from every direction. My brain is chaotic, overwhelming—a stupid tangle of feelings colliding, twisting inside my head, each emotion denying that this was our new reality. How are the people who are dead just rising up again? I don’t understand. And it’s not like we have people to tell us anymore. How are we supposed to just accept that? How am I supposed to just accept that one day Mallory, Rue, and I were just getting ready for a party at the college to now running for my life? Where are Mallory and Rue? Did they make it to Florida? Did Mallory finally ditch those heels for something more practical in this world? Did Rue finally trust someone enough to survive?

So much of the unknown slips into my weakened brain, causing a whirlwind of emotions that I’m not ready to deal with.

So, doing what I do best when I can’t control my feelings, I shut down. I become silent and pick the mallet up. Not bothering to look at Reed because I know the moment I do, I’m bound to slip and fall apart.

I can’t afford to let myself feel. I refuse to let Reed see me like that. He’s a stranger, and I’d be damned if I let my emotions out in front of him. So, even if parts of me want to ask him to make me forget the horrors of killing someone, I don’t. I shove my hands into my pockets and pick the pace up. The next thirty minutes are going to kill me. I need to keep myself together until we reach the welcome center. When we get there, then I can allow myself a moment to fall apart. I just can’t do that with Reed hovering.

Unfortunately, the thirty minutes takes longer when you’re walking. My legs begin to feel like jelly when the building comes into view. I could jump for joy, but then my heart feels weighed down, muffled under the heaviness of what I had done.

“Almost there,” Reed says somewhere beside me.

I try to smile, but it’s faint, my emotions only stretching so far. This should make me happy, but everything else inside me is screaming to be let out. So I don’t say anything, and I just hope Reed doesn’t try to get me to talk.

Finally reaching the welcome center, we both keep our eyes peeled for any sudden movement. I pray we don’t; I don’t think I have it in me to kill someone again, not so soon.

The once-white building now is covered in mud and other bodily fluids. The door hangs open, the hinges almost rusted off.

“Stay behind me,” Reed orders. Nodding my head, I tighten my grip around the mallet. Stepping into the musty building, a squirrel pops its head up, eyeing us before it skitters over the floor and towards the women's bathroom. Maps are scattered over the floor with dirt and debris, and I swear I see a bloodstain out of the corner of my eye. My stomach cramps at the sight, uneasiness clawing at my insides.

“Noah?” Reed softly calls.

Blinking my eyes up, I’m met with Reed’s furrowed brows and concerned eyes. I shake my head and take a deep breath. Swallowing around the ball in my throat, I reach down to my hip and pinch myself as hard as I can. Focusing on the pain is better than breaking down right now. It would be just my luck that I’d be a crying mess, completely falling apart when a zombie attack happens.

Reed must understand because his eyes flicker to what I’m doing before meeting my eyes. I swear I see him give me a nod before turning around and continuing on through the main entrance.

I follow him towards the men’s room, his bat resting against his shoulder as if he’s ready to swing. I chew on my cheek as I stand by the entrance of the restroom while he goes down, peering into every stall. Neither of us talks or breathes as we check the women's bath next. After that we stood in the middle of the welcome center. I look everywhere but at him, unable to think of what I should or need to say.

“Stay here,” Reed grunts out. My brows furrow, my mouth opening and then closing. I’m about to demand he rethink who he’s speaking to before he gives me a hard look, and then he’s moving around me. I turn around, my hand tempted to grab him and make him sorry that he’s being such an asshole. But I don’t; something inside me stops me from doing anything but watching him walk towards a door. I’m not sure how I missed that door, but I blame it all on Reed.

Holding my breath, I feel my flight instinct taking over my fight.I’m not ready f–for that. I’m not. I can’t kill someone, not again. Not this soon.

But I don’t say that. Reed will know I’m weak, and not just like normal weakness. He’ll know I’m not some badass with a smart mouth. He’ll think what everyone else must think and whatmy parents think.

---