Page 124 of Always Been Yours

“Hi, little lady. Want to come in?” She nods, taking a tentative step inside. “Pull up a seat.”

She settles in her chair next to my desk. “Hi.”

“Hi.” I give her a small smile. “Want to split that with me?” I point toward the chocolate on my desk.

Her smile grows a fraction, but she stays quiet.

I break it in half, hand her one, and lean back in my chair. She nibbles on her piece, glancing toward the door more than once.

“What’s up? Did you get in trouble or something?”

With wide eyes she shakes her head and blurts out, “I was listening to my dad’s conversation again…” My gut is screaming at me that it won’t be as funny as the first time.

“Okay… Do you want to talk about it?”

“Will you be mad at me?” My brow furrows and I shake my head. “My mom said she misses us… She wants Dad to move us to New York. Closer to her and our other grandparents.”

“Oh,” I breathe. I can feel the anxiety take over my body. Trying to hide my shaking legs from Stella, I place my hands firmly on my knees.

“I don’t want to move again. I like it here… I like my Abuela and Grampa. I like Millie and my new friends.” Her lower lip starts to inch out a little. “I even likeyou.”

A chuckle falls out of me, but it isn’t enough to totally keep the tears at bay. I quickly wipe one away. “I don’t see your dad going anywhere.” That isn’t totally true. If Stella and Daisywantedto be closer to Arielle, I know he’d be on the next plane. I love him for it but I also really fucking hate him for it. But I am praying to whoever’s holy up there that he won’t.

“He didn’t say no. He just said he wants to do what’s right for Daisy and me.”

I can perfectly imagine him saying that since I’ve heard him mention it more than once. He’s such a good dad, and I’m the asshole who’s angry about it.

“What do you and Daisy want?”

I don’t mean to claim Stella as my child in anyway butholy fuck, this parenting thing is harder than I would’ve ever imagined. How do parents constantly push themselves to the side for their kids?

I mean… I get it. Because if it would heal their little innocent hearts, I’dhelpGrady pack up and move, no matter what it did to me. But I don’t think it’s what’s best for them. I just don’t know if that’s ultimately coming from a selfish place or if my opinion matters at all right now.

Her hands twist in her lap, and she refuses to make eye contact. “She doesn’t know. I didn’t want to tell her… I know she was having a hard time making friends, but she has Matty now. And she loves you and your mom and everyone else. She wants to learn how to surf, and I just want Daisy to be happy,” her voice wavering, lips starting to tremble.

“Oh, Stella, honey… What’s going to makeyouhappy? Because I know that your dad would give up everything in the world for you two.”

She thinks it over, wiping away tears. “I want to stay here. And I don’t want my dad to give up anything.” Her words are broken sobs but thankfully, I have a lot of experience with emotional children. “He’ssmiling. He barely smiled for years and now he does all the time. I don’t want him to stop.”

My hands come up to my mouth, taking a deep breath and trying to hold myself together. This is so much more than any kid should have to deal with.

“Can I give you a hug?”

She looks up at me, unsure for only a second, before nodding. I wrap my arms around her and let her just lay in my comfort for a second. Brushing some of the hair off her shoulder I tell her, “I trust your dad to do what’s right for all three of you.” It’s not a lie—but I don’t know ifI trust him to do right byme. “You need to trust him too. And tell him what you want. His full honesty rules don’t only apply to him… that includes you girls as well, okay?”

She nods against my chest, not moving from my embrace. I sit with her for a while longer, my head resting on hers. Despite the terrible, sinking feeling in my stomach, this moment with Stella is so much bigger than my feelings. She came tome,she trustedme,she letmecomfort her.

It’s so much more than just losing Grady now. If he decides to take his daughters and leave, I’m losing the only future that brought me any sense of happiness.

Another light knock on the door pulls my attention that way. Mr. Sparks is standing in his typical trousers and blazer combination. “I didn’t mean to interrupt. Do you want to reschedule?” His tone is light and understanding. He may be a shy man but, he’s also one of the sweetest when you get him talking.

I look down at Stella, who shakes her head. “No, I don’t want my dad finding me here…”

Me either.

“Maybe you should go wait for him on the playground. Where’s Daisy?”

“She’s waiting for me out there.” She slides off her chair, pulling it back to the desk.

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