Page 133 of Always Been Yours

“Blake…” I start, trying to blink back my tears.

“Hold on. Let me finish, okay?” I nod, crossing my arms on my knees. “But then that anger turned to embarrassment. Because I was bullied and because of the things they’d say about me, sometimes even to me. Because I had such a hard time making friends. Because my only friend moved on without me. And thatembarrassment only made me angrier and sadder and more isolated.

“It wasn’t until I graduated that I started to go to therapy. But I realized how I felt about our friendship, was probably how you felt about your friendship with Grady. And I blamed you for so many things that weren’t your fault when I reacted similarly. Your family was my family, but I stopped talking to all of you. Including your mom, though she is rather persistent.” I chuckle, remembering how Grady told me that she continued to reach out to him no matter the distance he tried to create.

I’m not surprised that my mom treated Blake the same. Selena and Tim gave me my space, but they always welcomed me with open arms—whether I was spending time with them due to my own desires or my mother’s demands. And they’d do the same for any of my siblings.

Our families took to each other just as quickly as Grady and me. Our moms have been best friends as long as I remember knowing them. Selena and Tim gave us a family when we so desperately needed one after my dad’s death.

My problems with Blake and Grady didn’t only hurt us. We hurt our entire families.

I turn toward Blake, silently asking if I can speak now. She nods and turns her body to face me.

“Blake…” Immediately my voice cracks. I don’t need to know the details about what happened to her to appreciate her openness and empathize to the best of my abilities—but I hope one day she might trust me enough to confide in me. I take a deep breath, not wanting to make this about me in that way. “I am so sorry. I never realized it got that bad… and I am so fucking sorry.” She shakes her head, but it’s my turn to stop her.

I hold up a hand and carry on. “Your friendship wasn’t less important than Grady’s, but I understand that my actions spokeotherwise. It hurt to be around you.Allof you. I don’t fault you for questioning if I was to blame for what happened with Grady. Truthfully, I wasn’t all that innocent most of the time. I… I don’t know what you went through at S.P.A. so I won’t pretend. All I can offer you in that regard is a shoulder and ear whenever you need it. But I understand that anger and embarrassment you speak of.

“I was so fucking mad at your brother,” I chuckle again, but there’s no humor in it. “I was angry, heartbroken, and embarrassed. It’s no secret what our parents imagined for Grady and me. And I felt like I let them down somehow. The worse I acted toward Grady or themore seriousI got with Brody, the less I could look any of you in the eye.”

Tentatively, I grab one of Blake’s hands—surprised that she allows it. “I don’t mean to make excuses for how I hurt you or try to justify it because there is nothing that can. Ihurtyou, Blake, and I am so fucking sorry. And no matter what happens with me and your brother, I hope that we can move forward from this. I was so scared to let people into my life for so long, which is a big reason why I never reached out. Because I should’ve been the one sitting on your porch steps. But I’m not scared anymore. I know I can be the friend you deserve if you allow me the chance to try.”

Blake shakes her head again, confusion and relief mixed in her watery expression. “I actually showed up here hoping that you’d eventually be my sister-in-law…finally…so I’m a little confused about what you mean. What’s happening between you and Grady?”

“It doesn’t matter, Blake. I want to focus on how to move forward withyou.”

Guilt washes over her—even though she is the last person who should be feeling any semblance of that. “Did something happen with you two because of me?” I shake my head. Before I canrespond, realization washes over her. “Did something happen with Arielle? Is that why you weren’t at Stella’s birthday?”

I take a deep breath and look up.This isn’t my place.“Grady just needs to figure some things out with her, but you should talk to him about this. I don’t want to overstep.”

“Okay,” she nods slowly but never takes her eyes off of me. “But you should know… all of that’s done. Grady never thought twice about that relationship once all was said and done. And heneverlooked at Arielle, or any other person, the way he’s always looked at you.”

I huff out a laugh but try to hide my puddling tears. “Can I ask you something?” I take her silence as ayes.“What did you tell Arielle about me?”

I look back at her, but confusion is written across her face. “She said there was a picture of Grady and I in a photo album together. She saw it with you…”

Blake snorts, catching me off guard. “Oh, God. I’m sorry… I just forgot about that.” With a huff, she leans back on her hands. “Arielle was crazy jealous. It was rare she ever showed that side to Grady, I think. But she used to ask about his high school girlfriend and for any information she could think of.” With a roguish grin—her signature that I haven’t seen in years—she says, “Most of what I told her was wrong anyway.”

“Blake,” I laugh. “What did you tell her?”

“It was one of thefewtimes she came to visit. Stella was only a couple months old. Anyway, my mom thought it would be fun for Arielle and Adrian to see some baby photos.“ My brain starts to fill in the pieces, but I let Blake finish. “She started to wonder why there was a little redhead girl inallof the pictures with Grady. Even to someone who knows you two, it was weird how threatened she felt by a childhood friendship. But I knew Grady was trying tomake this work for Stella and I knew he was planning on proposing soon.“ She gives me an apologetic grimace. “It had been years since you guys had talked…” No one knows about prom, and few know about the vow renewal. She rolls her eyes, at herself, and I can’t help but smile. “And I was still mad at you… so I told her that you were just some girl who lived next door and was obsessed with Grady.Superannoying and was always buzzing around him like a fly. But that Grady dropped you as soon as he entered high school.”

With each word my mouth drops open. After I second, I break out into a laugh. Blake looks confused for a second, but she tentatively laughs along.

Playfully, I shove her shoulder. “I’m so not surprised but you weren’t really lying either. You just made it sound way too one-sided.”

Still laughing, she nods. “I know. He was obviously the one obsessed withyou.”

I roll my eyes, looking forward again. I was starting to believe that maybe Grady was just as in love with me as I am with him. But I can’t help feeling like his secret, his second choice. Rationally, in my head, I know the truth about his marriage and divorce to Arielle. He’s been so open and forthcoming with any and all questions. I’ve been the one standoffish and untrusting. But in my heart… the hurt is still bleeding out from the inside.

Seeing the tears brimming, she asks, “What happened with Arielle?”

After a moment, I decide to tell her all about our first meeting with each other.

The look of disbelief throws me off after our heart-to-heart, but she finally breaks the tension. “How is he such a fucking idiot?” It takes me a moment to realize that she’s talking about Grady but once Ido, I can’t help the cackle and nod I give her. “Vivi, dude, he’s an idiot. But Ipromiseit wasn’t anything against you. This is the same man who didn’t tell us about his divorce until it was finalized. He likes to handle things privately. And his life isn’t Arielle’s business anymore.”

I tilt my head back and forth, contemplating. “His life will always be partially her business. And who he’s dating and bringing around their daughters is also her business. I mean I can understand at first… but the cat’s been out of the bag for a month now. I don’t know what he expected when she got to town.”

“I think he was choosing hopeful oblivion. But please… just talk to him. It doesn’t have to be tonight. The fundraiser should be your main focus. But soon after.” She takes my silence as a yes. Standing up, she goes to leave but adds, “My dad was right about knowing Adrian was the man for me. So, I believe hisfeelingabout you being right for Grady. I’ve always known it would come back to you two.“ She walks to her Suburban and waves over her shoulder. “I’ll see you at the pier later.”

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