Page 26 of Always Been Yours

Once both girls are bathed and ready for bed, we all crawl onto the couch and FaceTime their mom.

Arielle was studying English and theater when we met at Arizona State University. She’s an amazing actress, but she has always wanted to write plays too. She’s more than talented enough.

When we were juniors in college and only a couple weeks after I tore my ACL, we found out she was pregnant with Stella. I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t terrifying but there has never been a role in life that was more right for me than being a parent. I knew before Stella was born that she was going to be my entire world. The first time I held her, it only solidified that unconditional love. I wasn’t sure how much bigger my heart could get until Daisy was born. It doubled in size and feels like it’s split in two places outside of my body.

Arielle was happy being a parent, too. I know she loves the girls. I have never and wouldneverquestion that. I think that hurting my knee and knowing I was going to make big changes to my life plan had helped me prepare for parenthood. Arielle wanted to join a touring theater group and work her way toward Broadway. And she could have. She’s doing just that now.

Never achieving that goal was starting to eat at her, and it was obvious. She was happy with our daughters but that was just about the only thing in her life that made her happy. I wasn’t making her happy anymore. We were comfortable and good friends, but we weren’thappy. I certainly wasn’t in love with her anymore. The thought of all of us moving to New York City came up when we attended couples counseling but neither one of us was sold on the idea. Arielle would have loved for the girls to go with her but we both knew that our relationship was coming to an end. Arielle deserves a real chance at accomplishing her dreams, and the girls deserve a parent whose schedule better fits what they need rightnow.

I want my daughters to know that their mother both loves them and achieved her goals.

That doesn’t make this transition any easier for them, though.

Arielle’s face pops up on my phone and both girls squeal at the sight of her beautiful face.

And she is beautiful. She’s only a couple inches shorter than me and has a very elegant, quiet beauty to her. She has sharp features and a thin frame. Her hair is a dark brown, similar to mine and our daughters, but with cooler undertones. Her skin is milky with few blemishes. I always thought she was interesting to look at.

Seeing her after spending time with Vivi makes me realize everything is different now. Or maybe it has always been this way and I spent years trying to forget.

She isn’t only gorgeous. Genevieve is fucking sexy. There has always been this underlying wildness about her. An untamable energy that has driven me crazy my entire life. Now, with her womanly body—soft hips, full chest, and round bottom—she’s irresistible.

“Grady?” Arielle tries to get my attention. Both girls are staring up at me, looking like they are waiting for an answer. “Would that be okay?”

I don’t know how long I zoned out of the conversation, but I don’t want to agree to anything I might regret later. “Sorry, what was that?”

Arielle gives me a long, weird look before repeating herself. “I was thinking that I would visit for a few days around Stella’s birthday in December. Our tour is ending in Northern California, and train tickets are pretty cheap. I can fly out of San Diego in time for our string of local shows in the city.”

It feels weird to mix Arielle in with my life here. Even while wewere married, I hardly ever brought her back home and when I did, I made sure that there would be no Davies family members around. But I have to remind myself that it’sourlife—mine and my daughters’. They deserve to see their mom whenever they can.

“Of course, that would be okay. It would be nice to spend Stell’s birthday together.’

“Mom, you can stay here!” Daisy shouts, bless her young heart.

Arielle and I look at each other, still able to communicate silently when it comes to parenting. Stella is the first to speak up.

“No, Dais, Mom’s probably not going to stay here…”

I give my ex-wife a small nod and turn to our daughters, “You’re right. Mom won’t be stayingherebut she will be visiting every day, or we can visit her wherever she decides to stay.”

“Can we have sleepovers with Mommy?” Daisy asks quietly, giving me her sad eyes.

“Of course, darling. You guys still need to go to school but you can spend every night over there if you want. I’m sure you’re ready for a break from me,” I tease and tickle her side.

Arielle gives me a small smile before talking, “We can have a girls’ night every night you come to stay with me. Remember when we used to do the DIY spa? We’ll do that again. Even a paint night!”

The three of them continue making plans for the visit and my mind starts to drift again.

Another thing therapy helped me realize is that I’m sadder about losing my marriage than I am about losing Arielle.

I would have stayed in that marriage forever just because I didn’t want to fail.

But that wouldn’t be fair to her or I. Or to our daughters.

Moving back to Amada Beach is quickly making me realize that I don’t want to feelcontentin a relationship. I want to feel like my heart is split into a third piece.

Chapter Nine

Vivi

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