Page 68 of Always Been Yours

She comes back with a container of ice cream—non-dairy phish food—and two spoons.

She hands me one and takes the lid off.

I watch with an ache in my chest as she dips her spoon in and takes a bite.

“Mmm,” she moans quietly and nods her head in approval. As if she didn’t buy this flavor. As if it, most likely, isn’t one of her top three flavors if she has it stocked at her house.

She tilts the carton toward me, and I grab it from her hands.

I watch her as I take a bite.

It all feels very intimate. Like I’m looking into someone else’s life, getting a glimpse of what could’ve been.

Maybe what could still be.

“This is good,” I say in a husky tone.

“I know. It’s my second favorite flavor.”

Knew it.

Smiling, I ask, “What’s your first?”

“Mint Chocolate Cookie.”

“Nice. I like Cherry Garcia.”

She crinkles her nose. “Really?”

“Yup.” I watch her think about it, licking her spoon far more seductively than she’s probably aware of.

She nods, tucking that piece of information away for later. When she isn’t stoned and can dissect it in whatever way I know her mind inevitably will.

We fall into a comfortable silence, with just the sounds of Vivi’s indie playlist quietly coming through the speaker.

From the corner of my eye, I can see her begin to pick at the throw blanket on her lap. I turn my head as her face starts to turn more serious, her thoughts growing louder.

I want to give her the space to open up to me when she’s ready, so I sit patiently. I don’t stop myself from scooting a little closer or from rubbing my thumb along her neck.

She suddenly spits it out. “What are you scared of?”

“Are we talking like I’m scared of clowns and snakes–”

“Don’t forget the dark,” she retorts with a teasing smirk.

“Right,of courseI can’t forget the dark.“ I play along.

“But no.” Her serious tone comes back. “I’m talking about real-life fears.”

I think about that for a second. “I guess, right now, my biggest two? Always my daughters. They’re with their mother and my parents right now, but I just feel this… worry that I can’t explain. It’s almost painful to be away from them. But not just for their physical well-being but their emotional well-being too. And it scares me that I may be putting that at jeopardy.” We haven’t talked about Arielle tonight and I don’t plan on starting now. Not tonight. This is forjust us.

“And your second one?” She’s whispering again, even though it’s only the two of us.

I turn my entire body toward her, demanding her undivided attention as well. “I’m scared that I won’t be able to make up for all of the lost time.”

“With your family?”

I nod once. “Yes, them. But withyoutoo, Genevieve.“ My eyes drop to where my thumb is still rubbing her neck. “The time that I owe you goes back a lot further than when I left for college.”

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