Page 76 of Always Been Yours

It doesn’t matter that I wasn’t sure if I wanted to marry Brody. Or that I was starting to feel the shift in my friendship with Molly. Or that I don’t miss them at all.

It was the worst betrayal I’ve ever experienced.

“I mean,” he chuckles awkwardly, “how did you two become friends?”

I bite my cheek and look down at my hands twisting in my lap. I can feel both of their eyes on me, but it doesn’t stop the bone-deepchill that creeps in. I concentrate on calming my nerves before the anxiety causes me to start shaking or hyperventilate.

Somehow this is the worst part—that ten years later, what they did still has this power over my nervous system. I can go months without thinking about that night but as soon as I do, my body can’t decipher what’s in the past and what’s in the present.

Grady tentatively wraps his strong hand around the base of my neck, lightly running his thumb along where the nape of my neck meets my hair. I glance up at Lexi and she’s giving me a small smile. Their encouragement and support give me strength to open this wound.

After a few seconds I start, “I’m sure you know that Brody proposed to me a few weeks after graduation.” He nods. I shrug. “Molly and I were already locked into a dorm, and I don’t know. It felt better than moving in with him. I told Brody I wanted a long engagement, the three of us went to college and that was that, so it seemed.”

“Ah,” Lexi gives him a Cheshire smile. “And then I came along.”

I can’t stop myself from chuckling as I flip through the mental catalog of my friendship with her.

“I was sitting in my first Ethics and Humanity lecture. It was a large class, with a few hundred people, and there were a few seats left but I knew as soon as we made eye contact that Lexi was going to come sit next to me. Misery loves company, and all that, you know?”

“And just like that? You were friends?” He doesn’t give either of us a chance to clarify before adding, “I remember you two tackling each other during the spirit week powderpuff game. And you were on thesameteam. Not to mention the spelling bee—“

“Tropical was a hard word, dammit,” Lexi mutters to herself, causing me to laugh.

“It’s hard to believe that you could sweep it under the rug so easily,” Grady continues.

“God, no,” Lexi chimes in. “We were stubborn little shits. We sat next to each other for about two months without saying a word.”

“She missed a week of lectures and had to make the hardest choice: ask mefor my impeccable notes or a stranger for their mediocre ones.”

“Ethics are stupid, and I had a C in the class. I couldn’t take the chance.” Lexi rolls her eyes.

I laugh and turn back to Grady. “Asking for notes slowly turned into talking about assignments and studying together at the coffeehouse. The study sessions turned into talking about a lot more than our classes. It was a slow progression. We were both reluctant for a while, to say the least. Lexi was struggling in the class, and I was having a hard time with my English class. It was Rhetoric of Film Making.”

“She barely even knew who Tim Burton was.”

I roll my eyes. “I don’t pay attention to those things. You couldn’t even ask me who my top Spotify artist is.”

“Taylor Swift,” Grady and Lexi say at the same time.

“Whatever,” I mutter. “We agreed to have an all-night cram session together and help each other. I hadn’t planned on going back to my dorm.” My stomach drops at the memory.“I forgot something, who knows what. But I went back on my way off campus. It wasmydorm room,“ my voice carries a hint of anger. Well-deserved anger. “So, I walked in. On Molly straddling some guy. She was wearing a pair of underwear we had gotten at the semi-annual sale together the weekend before.” I always remember that detail for some reason. Like the fact that she wore our matching pair of panties makes the offense that much worse. I let out a bitter laugh. “And that guy just so happened to be Brody.” I shake my head asmy stomach roils at the mental image.

Grady is quiet for a moment, but I can feel his eyes on me. “What happened?”

“Nothing that night. I was in shock, honestly. They weren’t really going at it yet, but I left them to it. I didn’t even grab whatever I needed. I just… I turned around and walked out. Neither one of them came after me. Neither one called me to explain what the fuck was happening. They just let me leave. So, I went to Lexi’s—can’t even remember how I got there but I didn’t have anywhere else to go.” He gives my neck a little squeeze.

And that’s the most embarrassing part of it all. The two people who had been in my life the longest at that point didn’t give a single fuck about breaking my heart. I don’t doubt that they finished what they were doing.

“She knew immediately that something was up,” I give my best friend a wry grin. “I guess after years of being the cause of each other’s misery, it only made sense that we’d be able to recognize it.”

“They never said anything to you?” Grady’s voice is dripping in anger.

“Not that night. Molly was waiting for me in the dorm the next morning, but I had to get to my Ethics final. Brody was waiting for me in the courtyard afterward and…” I can’t help the laugh that bubbles out of me.

“I threw my much-needed coffee at him,” Lexi says in a way that makes me believe that it might be one of her favorite moments. It’s definitely one of mine.

“You… threw your coffee at him?” Grady looks torn between terror and admiration.

“Fuck yeah I did.” She raises her can in a salute.

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