Page 36 of Our Mother's Sons

Dutton placed his hands on my shoulders, the Prada cologne I bought him but hated so much, making me feel sick to my stomach.

“You know I love Baela’s mean ass.”

Lies. He hated her, and she hated him too.

“But this is about us. God makes no mistakes. You about to have my child. I love you so much, and I know this baby will be what we need to get us on track. Babies motivate you to be better. To do better. You not trying to have my baby? I thought you loved me?” His thick brow lifted.

“I do love you, Dutton. I can’t afford a baby. We can’t afford a baby.”

“We can. My uncle been talking about putting me on. Only reason his lowdown ass been mentioning it is because he likes you. He claims I can’t have no bad bitch with broken pockets. I think that old nigga wants to fuck you.”

It wasn’t a laughing matter, but I smiled. Dutton’s uncle was cool. He was a retired dope boy who was always nice. He’d even given me money here and there to put on a bill. He’d never made a move on me or given me creep vibes.

“He does not want to have sex with me. He’s just nice.”

And he knows his nephew is a bum.

“How about this. We keep the baby and we keep it on the low. Before you go off on me, hear me out. Baela works all the time, and so do you. It’s nothing to keep this from her. We only do this so we can enjoy the pregnancy without outside noises. Pregnancy is stressful, and I don’t want my baby to come out missing fingers and toes.”

I laughed again through the tears. Dutton used his thumb to wipe my face.

“I can’t just cut my cousin off. We are all we have. Her man is locked up, and she needs me more now than ever.”

“I’m not saying don’t talk to her, baby. But talk to her over the phone for the next couple of months. Let us at least make it to the second trimester, and then you can surprise her after we find out the gender. By then, our baby will be developed and out of the danger zone, just in case she sends you to the hospital with a heart attack after attempting to kill me.” Dutton kissed my lips, making my body heat before kissing down my face and neck.

“She wouldn’t kill you. Curse you out? Yes. But kill you? No.”

Dutton squeezed my but, making me moan.

“Good. Because I know there ain’t no good pussy like yours in heaven.”

I slapped his shoulders, making him laugh.

“You die before me, and you better be up there jacking off. I’ll act a fool if you up there fucking on angel hoes.”

“I gotchu bae. But you got me? You gone keep this a secret for a while?”

He latched down hard on my neck, and by now, my panties were soaked.

“Yesss. But only until I’m five or six months. I feel bad for agreeing, but I do want the baby healthy if we are going to keep it.” I had no family outside of Baela, so starting my own was always on my to-do list. I just wanted to be financially free before doing so. Maybe now I could take the Praxis test and become a teacher. My degree was collecting dust. I had no business settling for fifteen dollars an hour when I could make much more as an educator. If it weren’t for me doing tutoring sessions, I wouldn’t be able to afford my rent.

“That’s all I ask. Now et me feel that pregnant pussy. I heard it’s superb.”

Pregnancy hadn’t been horrible. It was actually a breeze. Dutton had even started to give me a thousand dollars a month, which wasn’t a lot, but it was enough for me to take it easy throughout my pregnancy. The money he was giving me, the attention he’d shown, and the way he would be all over the doctor made sure the baby was healthy, and asking all the right questions made me fall deeper and deeper in love with him. When I hit the six-month mark and found out we were having a girl, things were going so well that I let him convince me to hold Baela off until the day we gave birth. I was due on her birthday, and Dutton thought that finding out she had a new baby cousin would have been the best birthday gift. Baela had been pissed at me for nine months wondering why she could only see me on facetime but I was anxious to surprise her for her birthday. Anticipating the look I would see on her face when I went into labor outweighed the guilt that consumed me from shutting her out.

Three weeks before her birthday, my plans went left. I went into labor in the middle of the night, and Dutton was so scared something was wrong that he rushed me out of the house before I could grab my phone to tell her. It wasn’t her birthday, but I knew how dangerous labor was for black women, and I wanted to make sure I had her in the know just in case I didn’t survive labor. Things were moving so fast that my legs were up and I was pushing by the time I was assigned a room. One hour later, my baby was born. She was a sight for sore eyes at a healthy eight pounds, using no medication. She had so much hair that it nearly fell over her eyes. I’d torn so much during labor and lost so much blood that I was too weak even to hold her.

I did remember Dutton yelling at the doctor about something being wrong with her. But to me, she was perfect. The doctors assured she was fine but Dutton who had been so loving and attentive had turned cold. When I mentioned calling Baela, he cursed me so badly that the staff threatened to put him out. When we were released, he barely let me hold the baby and made sure I didn’t snap any photos. He had turned into a possessive bastard. When I had begun to show, he’d even made me tell my boss to switch me to work from home. At the time, I thought my man just wanted me to have an easy pregnancy. But Dutton was possessive.

Nearly three weeks after birth, Dutton all of a sudden got nice. I didn’t give a shit about him flipping the mean switch off. I had plans on pulling up on my cousin on her birthday with my baby in tow. She didn’t deserve to be told via phone. I wanted to look her in the eye and give her the truth along with a big apology. My daughter was the most beautiful baby I’d even seen despite the bullshit her daddy talked and I wanted to show her off to the world. But first, I had to let her meet her big cousin. It was a day before Baela’s birthday, and I couldn’t wait until the next day. Dutton usually took my car and phone and would be gone all day, but I had a plan. I would use my neighbor’s phone to order an Uber with the thirty bucks I had in my account and pull down on my cousin.

“Baby. Ride with me.”

With her resting between my legs as I sat on the bed, I changed my daughter’s diaper. She looked so cute today in her seashell onesie and matching hair bow. I wanted so badly to take pictures, but Dutton took my phone and went through it every day. I was over his ass.

“Dutton, I’m still bleeding and sore, and she is only three weeks old. It’s too many germs out there.”

“Man, y’all not getting out the car. She had her vaccinations in the hospital. She fine. Plus, it won’t be long. Just pack her up a bag. Matter of fact, I’ll do it.”

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