Page 37 of Our Mother's Sons

Dutton jumped into action, grabbing her bag and going into our walk-in closet. Dutton had so many clothes that there was barely enough room for me and my baby’s stuff, but we made it work. It was crazy how he always had new clothes but never had money like that. Even now, he was in black cat Jordans with a black and red Jordan outfit.

“Why you in the closet? The bag is already packed.”

I’d packed her bag because I was more than ready for tomorrow. I heard him shuffling around some papers.

“Are you going in our important paper bin?”

I kept a bucket with all of our papers –mine and the baby’s- because Dutton’s essential documents were at his uncle’s. The baby didn’t have much outside of a Folder that Beach Baptist provided me, which houses the mother's copy birth certificate, her height and weight at birth, and all of my discharge papers. I was told to take the mother's copy of birth certificate to the Department of Health to get her real birth certificate, and I was still waiting for her Social Security card to come in the mail. I would be going to get her birth certificate as soon as I could get my car from Dutton because I needed it to apply for state insurance for her. I couldn’t add us both on my work insurance if I wanted to keep a roof over our heads. I also needed her social to apply for food stamps and daycare assistance.

Wrapping the pamper, I placed it in the diaper genie I kept on the side of the bed, and lifted my daughter in my arms. Placing a kiss on her lips, I stood from the bed. Getting her everything she needed was hard, but I made it work. She didn’t have an overload of things, but she had just enough. I didn’t take but a two-week maternity leave from work because I worked from home, and as soon as I got my check, I was getting her so much stuff. Dutton swore she didn’t need a lot, but that was rich coming from him because he had a whole lot.

He walked out with the diaper bag on his shoulder when I approached the closet door.

“Why were you in the bin?”

Dutton kissed my forehead and the back of our baby’s silky head.

“I was trying to reach her hand mittens and knocked it down. Here.”

He tried adding her hand mittens, and I saw he also had a pair of socks.

“It’s too hot for all that. I cut her nails. She won’t be scratching her face.”

Ignoring what I was saying, Dutton added the hand mittens, and I nearly lost it when he doubled up and added a second pair on top of those. I didn’t trip because he at least had the nerve to get ones that matched her outfit.

“Here, hold her while I change my pad. Then, I’ll be ready to go.”

Dutton took the baby while licking his lips.

“You know, she made you thick as fuck. I may need to get your fine ass pregnant again asap. When can we try again?”

Blushing should have been the last thing I did with Dutton, but I was blushing like a lovesick teenager. I’d been feeling insecure about my weight gain. Outside of my dark stomach, I didn’t have any stretch marks, but I gained close to forty pounds. Post partum depression had been hitting my ass hard so to hear him appreciate my body had me feeling good.

“Whatever, Dutton. I’m getting on birth control.”

Closing the door, I grabbed the pads from under the cabinet and proceeded to handle my business.

“Aye no yo ass not. You not putting that shit in your body.”

Ignoring my man, I washed my hands and prepared to leave. Sitting in the back seat as Dutton drove, I cheesed hard as the beach came into view. We lived fifteen minutes from the nearest beach, and I couldn’t wait to take my baby. A few times, I’d snuck off and taken the bus during my pregnancy just to put my feet in the water and feel my baby kick. I’d even tried to get Dutton to let me do a maternity shoot, but he shut that down quick. I had only a few pictures of me pregnant, and those were ones I had to hide in my email so that he wouldn’t delete them. I didn’t know Dutton’s issue but regretted keeping my family in the dark. He acted as if he had a family somewhere, and documenting my pregnancy and daughter was a way I could send them to his wife or something. I didn’t know what his sudden changes were about, but Dutton was weird as hell, and I had to figure out a way to get him out of my life. The issue was that he and I shared a child. I loved my daughter down but, this was why I didn’t want to have her to begin with. We were not ready.

“Where are we going?”

We’d passed several beaches, with palm trees turning into street lights and crater-sized street cracks. My Madea lived in the hood our entire lives, but even this side of town was one I never frequented. Even though the sun was out, a gloomy cast shadowed over the car, putting a grey hue on my sleeping baby. I grabbed her mitten-covered hand and watched her sleep while her daddy took us to God knows where.

“I’m just about to grab some smoke real quick. Then, we can get some food, take it home, and watch movies.”

It had been so long since Dutton had stayed in the house with us and done anything besides sleep, so I didn’t have a rebuttal. With all the potholes Dutton ran over, I was sure my car would need new tires and a front-end alignment, especially if this was where he hung all day. That was just another expense I added to the mental list of things I needed to do once my money started rolling back in with the tutoring.

The car stopped, and we seemed to be in an alley when I looked around.

“Dutton-”

The front door flew open, and Dutton was yanked out of the driver’s side.

“Ahhhhhhh! What the fuck!”

My door was snatched open, and instead of seeing who it was, I grabbed the car seat.

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