There was always some reason those things never materialized for him.
There was always some reason he shied away from opportunities, even when they came his way. He’d dated around, fucked around, avoided committing, avoided opening himself fully, told himself it wasn’t the right time, the right circumstances, the right place in his career, the right point in his emotional development, the right person.
Briefly, he’d been so sure that person was Miri, and then…
Gaos,there it was.
That fucking pain, still throbbing and aching behind his ribs.
Jem.
He’dhadthat life with Jem.
He’d had it for a short time, at least.
But had it been short? Had it? Really?
Nick blinked back what he realized in astonishment were tears.
He wiped his face, unthinking, and as he did, Brick emerged completely out of the dark, his expression now openly perplexed.
It wasn’t empathy Nick saw on his sire’s face.
Laughably, no, that wasn’t something Brick had in his repertoire, not even as an affectation. Brick stared at Nick in blank bewilderment instead, a flat curiosity in his vampire eyes, one that didn’t really include his own emotional involvement. Brick looked both fascinated and repelled at Nick’s vulnerability, possibly in equal measure.
Really, the disgust and horror in his eyes overpowered everything else.
It might have made Nick laugh under different circumstances.
Brick really was just so incrediblyweakin some ways.
“What on Earth––” his sire began in astonishment.
“Don’t strain yourself, Betial,” Nick cut in, dismissive. “It’s fine.”
His sharp words might have dissuaded someone else.
Not Brick.
Brick’s bewildered expression didn’t change.
His curiosity demanded satisfaction.
“But whatisthis?” The older vampire’s voice remained as sharp and disturbed-sounding as his expression. “Explain yourself, offspring.”
“You wouldn’t understand.”
“Wouldn’t I?”
Nick did laugh then. “You absolutely would not,” he assured him.
“At least tell me what it isabout,”the vampire demanded, when Nick didn’t elaborate. “What is the nature of this distress? Why this bizarre, maudlin display of sentiment, Naoko? Surely,Iam not the cause of this?”
Nick snorted a louder laugh at the other’s overt, utterly un-self-aware narcissism. He shook his head, even as he mused on the utter predictability of the question.
Only Brick would immediately assume it must be somehow abouthim.
Nick wiped his eyes a second time.