Page 65 of The Replacement Duchess

“I shall enjoy the fact that you referred to marrying me as lucky a great deal.”

“Well, there are certainly worse gentlemen to marry.” She laughed. “Even so, I cannot help but almost mourn for the life that I missed by caring for others. I do not regret it, not at all, but sometimes I wonder what I might have been capable of if I had been selfish rather than doing what was expected of me.”

“That will not help you.”

“What do you mean?”

“Sitting there and wondering what might have been. It will not help you. You are far better off looking around you and being grateful.”

“I am grateful. Do not accuse me of being anything but that.”

“No, that is not what I’m saying,” he said quickly, then took a deep breath. “Do forgive me, I do not mean it like that. What I mean is that you have suffered. You have had a difficult life, one that I would not wish on anyone else, but your circumstanceshave changed now. You are a duchess, and there is no longer a man whom you must take care of but one who wishes to take care of you.”

“I know that, and I am glad about that.”

“Then you must trust that I will be there to take care of you, and instead of concerning yourself with what might have been, you need to look forward. We are going to have an incredible life together as friends, and it is time for you to want that instead of the impossible.”

Diana knew that he was not trying to hurt her, but she felt that way regardless. It was painful knowing that he had done nothing to make her not trust him, but she simply could not do it. She had trusted her mother, and she was gone. She had trusted her aunt, but she left. She had trusted her father, and he had done anything but take care of her. It did not matter how much she wanted to believe the Duke’s promises, she couldn’t do it.

“You need not do it now,” he assured her. “I understand, I promise that I do, but I want you to try and do it in time.”

She nodded to him. It was not a promise, as far as she was concerned, that she would change, but that she was willing to try. She had so hoped that she would feel differently once they were married, but too many bad things happened to her when she thought she had found happiness for her to believe in any feeling but dread.

The rest of the afternoon was perfect. There were no scathing comments like there would have been in London, and the people were only kind and welcoming towards them. It was new, and for a moment Diana realized just how much she needed it.

As she retired to her bedchamber that night, Colin followed her just as he had done each night since they arrived. He came into the room with her, fell asleep beside her, and was gone by the time she awoke, although she swore that at some points in the night, she could feel his fingers intertwined with hers. She did not dare ask him, and if she were being honest with herself, she did not want to risk him no longer doing it.

It was like a silent affirmation that they liked each other if nothing more. She liked knowing that he was there, that someone was there, because no matter how much she had protested against the thought of it, she knew that she no longer wanted to be alone.

But when she awoke that morning, he was no longer there as usual, and breakfast was soon approaching. As she walked to the dining hall, she noticed for the first time that the house, whilst grand, was quite outdated. Not only that, but it was decorated by someone who no longer lived there, and so it should not have been too difficult to bring Colin around to the idea of redecoration.

“I was wondering,” she began as she took a piece of toast, “if we might make some changes to the house?”

“The staff will be more occupied than usual for the next few days,” he said thoughtfully, “but we should be able to accommodate it. Was there anything in particular that you want to change?”

“Everything,” she said slowly and carefully. “I think part of the reason why I have not felt completely at home here is that I do notbelong. I did not have a say in this house, and so it feels more like I am holidaying here than truly living here. Is that foolish?”

“Not at all. I must admit, I have found myself thinking the same thing of late, but you seemed content with it, so I left it.”

“There is nothing wrong with it, so to speak,” she explained. “I was only thinking that it would be for the best if we made this our home, exactly the way we want it. I understand that you are busy, but I shall have plenty of time to handle the matter. If you tell me what you want, I can see to it that it is done.”

“Then the matter is settled.” He smiled. “You may do as you wish with it all. Whatever you wish to do, I shall like it.”

“Wonderful, because Samantha will so love having a library when she visits.”

His face fell.

She felt her blood turn cold. He never looked at her the way he did at that moment, as if he did not know who she was and he was wondering why she was in his home.

“We talked about this,” he said quietly.

“You said that I could redecorate the house. All of it.”

“With the belief that you are not a fool and know that I am not referring to that room.”

“So I am a fool now? Forgive me for thinking that a room in this house is a part of the house.”

“You will not touch that room,” he thundered. “You have done quite enough, and you know that. Leave it be.”

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