She did not respond, instead raising an eyebrow at him, satisfied that she had hurt him even a small amount.
“This,” he said coldly, gesturing to her, “is precisely why I had to leave last night. I needed time to myself, away from someone who cannot simply trust me.”
“And tell me why I should!”
“Because I am your husband. I said the vows, and I took them seriously.”
“Even the part about loving me?” she asked, and he looked away. “Exactly,” she scoffed. “They meant nothing to you, which was precisely what we had agreed upon. There is no shame in it, so you might as well simply confess.”
“That is what everyone wants me to do, isn’t it?” he snapped. “Confess to something that I did not do, simply because they would prefer it that way. There is more scandal in it, more interest, rather than the simple truth that I?—”
He cut himself off, and she eyed him carefully.
“That you what?”
“It does not matter. I was on a walk and nothing more last night, and I will ask that you do not insult my honor again.”
“So is this what our marriage is to be now?” she asked. “You tell me what is to happen, and I agree with a pleasing smile and never do anything for myself. Is that it?”
“That sounds wonderful right now. Please nod and agree and then leave me to my work.”
“Then at least I can see the true marriage that you wanted—one of avoidance and resentment. I can handle that.”
“Is it truly what you want?”
“Is it what anyone wants? No, but at least there is no false hope to it, unlike what you have tried to give me over and over. I am simply grateful that you did not make me wait too long before you showed your true self to me.”
“God, Diana, you think that you are perfect, don’t you?”
She froze at his words. He had promised her not to raise his voice at her, yet he did. She had almost jumped when he did so,but upon thinking about what he had said to her, she felt anger more than fear.
“When have I ever said that?”
“You do not need to! You can see it in the way that you refuse to see things in anyone’s way but your own. Why is it that after so long of me showing you nothing but patience, the one time that I am angry, you think this is the real me?”
“Because it is.”
“How do you know that?
“Because it is how you have always been. You have always refused to open up to me and tell me how you feel. It has always been a glimpse and then no more, and you seem perfectly happy with that, so forgive me if I took that as you not wanting to truly get to know me in return.”
“When I told you how I felt about the library, this happened.”
“Because you will not tell me about it. How hard is it to tell your wife about a library?”
“You would not understand. You would not see the issue, and then you would act as though I had not said anything at all, as if my feelings do not matter. They never have with you. It has always been me trying to keep you happy, and you pretending I wasn’t doing anything at all. It is exhausting, Diana.”
“So tell me about it. You have no way of knowing that I will cast you aside. I have told you the darkest things about myself, left myself utterly exposed to you, yet you refuse to tell me anything at all. You simply expect me to ignore it until it goes away, or pretend it doesn’t exist at all.”
“That would be wonderful. Perhaps then you will not be breathing down my neck and demanding to know everything.”
“Not everything, just the library. Go on, tell me. Then you can prove yourself right, can you not?”
“Why are you so insistent?” he thundered. “It is a library. I have not looked at it in a long time. The books inside are not mine. I want the room closed. That is the end of it, no matter what you say. Why must you push me further about it?”
Diana did not know what to say to that. It was, as far as she was concerned, quite evident that she was his wife and therefore had a right to know why she could not go wherever she pleased, but she knew that if she said it out loud, she would have sounded like a petulant child.
“There,” he said triumphantly. “Now, if you stay that way rather than forcing me to argue with you, the two of us may find ourselves much happier. Let us remain this way.”