Page 85 of The Replacement Duchess

“It is not like that!” Colin snapped before sighing. “Forgive me, I am not feeling my best.”

“You may take all of the time that you need. You have never been one to like his drink, and so I can tell something has happened.”

“Shehas happened,” he confessed. “You would love her. She is bright and intelligent, and she has this acerbic wit to her, and she goes after what she wants with everything that she has, and I-I am me.”

“A duke. What more can a lady want?”

“Someone who does not run. Someone who can look at his duchess, who is making her county endlessly happy even after such a short time, who has a sister that she wishes to care for in spite of the distance between them, and thank the stars for giving her to him. Instead, she has this blundering idiot that has fallen for her in spite of the fact that beyond the title, he cannot give her what she deserves.”

“Then, if that is true, why did you marry her? It was to save her, was it not?”

“It was in the beginning, but somewhere along the way, I found it impossible to keep from her. She draws me in, and I cannot, I do not, want to lose that, but I am not what she needs. I am this terrible beast, and I have condemned her to a life without love. Plainly put, I am a villain.”

“You are quite the miserable bastard, I shall give you that.” Charles laughed. “But you are not a villain. Perhaps there are some remnants of drink in you that are continuing to do the talking.”

“I wish for so much more for her,” Colin sighed, ignoring his friend’s comments. “I want her to go out into the world and experience every good thing that it can give her. I want her to share her brightness with everyone she meets. I want her to be able to go out and do exactly what she wants, because I know for a fact that she never once has. Everything that she has done has been for her sister, even marrying me, and now everything that she does is for me, and it is not fair.”

“And so your solution was to run away?”

“What other option do I have? I have already made her my prisoner, and whilst her cage is a fine one, it is a prison nonetheless. The only good thing that I can do for her now is to leave her be so that she might at least enjoy time with her sister after everything that she has sacrificed for her.”

“Do you wish to know what you could do instead?”

“There is nothing else.”

“There is always something else. You can stay here for a while until you get hold of yourself, and then you are to go home to your wife and you are to promise that you will change, that you will be the man that she needs you to be.”

“But I do not know that I can. I have always been like this. Who is to say that, even with the best will in the world, I can be anything else?”

“Who is to say that you cannot? Besides, I have known you for years. You and I both know that you were not always this way. It was that man that you have the misfortune to call your father that can be thanked for that.”

Colin thought back to another time, one when he was a young man and excited about what his future held, with no responsibilities and endless opportunities to do exactly as he pleased. It was no wonder that he had changed since then.

“Do you suppose that it will work?”

“Who is to say? All that I know is that the village adores her, and it is quite evident that you do too. If you let her slip away from you simply because you are too stubborn to see that things can be different, then you are not the man that I thought you were.”

“I can try,” he sighed. “You are right, I shall have to. If my being different makes her happy, then what other choice do I have?”

“That is far better.” Charles nodded. “Now, you look terrible. Go to sleep for a while.”

“And what about you?” Colin asked suddenly. “Are you to marry soon?”

“It has been a thought of mine, not that I would have the time for it. I, unfortunately, have to pay my own way, and as it stands, I could not give my wife the life that she would deserve.”

“Ah, so there is someone in your sights?”

“There shall always be a lady or two that I hold a candle for.” Charles smirked. “But as of right now I have no title to bring honor to and no reputation to scandalize by behaving in a most unruly manner, and so I shall like to keep it that way.”

“You say that as if you do anything ungentlemanly at all.”

“Who is to say that I do not?”

“Me.” Colin laughed, immediately putting a hand to his head as a sharp pain spread through it. “In any case, it is not as though you are a rake. Surely you would be willing to marry if the right lady came along?”

“Marriages are difficult.” Charles shrugged. “Frankly, as of right now, I do not receive much, and I do not give much, and I am happy enough. Running a household takes enough time as it is. A marriage would be a stressor in my life, not to mention children, and then think of all of the work I would have to do to afford it all. I do not think it is the sort of life that I want for myself.”

“And yet you give such good and trustworthy advice about it all.”

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