“Listen to me, Colin,” she said firmly but gently, “I have had my fair share of times where I have seen my sister hunched over pages, reading them over and over, even if she can never become an academic, even if she might never change the world with what she is doing. That is not to say that I have ever once thought that she should stop. Do you know why that is?”
The Duke shook his head softly.
“It brings her joy. I want my sister to be happy, and I want the same for you. If all that your heart desires is to be locked away with your nose in a book for hours every day, then so be it. Learn everything that this world has to offer you, and I will be there with you throughout.”
“Why?”
Because the man that you truly are is the man that I am falling for.
She quickly shook the thought from her mind.
“Because the man that you truly are is the gentleman that I wish to spend my life with, not some shell of a man who does exactly what is required of him and nothing more.”
He leaned his head into her hand more, and as he did so, he tumbled closer to her so that they were mere centimeters from each other. This was not new to them, of course. They had kissed the same night that they met, but now was different. This was not some spark of rebellion, a chance to do everything that she was not allowed to do.
This time, she wanted him, and it would ruin everything if he knew. Even so, she willed him to close the gap. She wanted him to do it, to place his lips on hers as he did before, and give her what she had been denying that she wanted. She was craving him, and the heat that she could feel from him only intensified her longing.
But then the heat was gone, and the night air from the open window was cold against her skin. She opened her eyes, and Colin had pulled away from her completely. He was not looking at her, instead looking past her to the doorway.
“It has been a long day,” he remarked.
“Yes,” she agreed. “Perhaps we should retire to bed?”
She meant her own room, of course, but Colin seemed to take it as permission to escape more than anything. He rushed into the hallway without so much as looking at her.
“Very well,” he said quickly. “Good night, Diana.”
She blinked, and he was gone. She did not know what to think, but one thing was for sure: she was not going to chase him. Instead, she dimmed the lamp and went to her room alone, having never been so confused in her life.
That was the reason she gave for her pounding heart, at least.
CHAPTER 23
Frankly, Diana was nothing short of terrified.
She had known precisely what sort of marriage she had entered into, and now she dared to want more, and her husband had made it perfectly clear that he wanted nothing of the sort. A hand flew to her cheek, and she could feel the heat emanating from it. She dared not look at her reflection, as she knew perfectly well that she was flushed at best.
What was she thinking? Had she truly thought that a man like that would have wanted anything from her other than an apology for her misdeeds? They werefriends.That was what they had agreed upon, what Diana knew would be the easiest way to be, but she didn’t want that anymore. She wanted… she did not know, but it was more than she could ever have, she knew that much.
The worst part was that Samantha, the one person that she had always been able to speak to about such matters, was sleeping. She was in the same house as her, yet it would not be fair ofDiana to awaken her and ask her for advice, and so she did not. She tossed and turned in her bed, eventually drifting away, only to be awoken harshly by the sunlight.
“Ah, you are awake,” Samantha said brightly, sitting beside her. “I have been waiting for hours.”
“Hours?” Diana echoed. “For how long was I asleep?”
“I do not know, but you have missed lunch. Is everything alright?”
“Yes, of course.” Diana nodded. “Why do you ask?”
“Well, it is not like you to sleep this late. Were you and the Duke enjoying yourselves last night?”
Diana felt that familiar unease grow inside her. “I suppose you might say that.”
“You know, you need not lie to me.”
“I am not!”
“Di, any fool can see from your face how unhappy you are. It is quite alright. If something is amiss, you can tell me.”