He did not question her, instead playing another song, something happier, and she relaxed her hands so that they simply followed his. His touch felt wonderful, exactly what she had been missing over the past few days. And she hoped that the song, much like the dinner, would not come to an end. It did, of course, but she did not take her hands away and neither did he. They remained side by side, and she tried to steady her breathing. She did not dare look at him, for fear that she would have to look him in the eye, which with how she felt she did not dare to risk.
“You play beautifully,” she whispered.
“Thank you, though you must know what you helped that time.”
She laughed softly, knowing perfectly well that she had done nothing at all; she had not even known the following note at any time. It was simply nice not to think, and to instead follow his lead. He was a good leader, both in dance and in playing pianoforte, and it no doubt reflected in his role as Duke.
“How are you coming along with your duties?” he asked suddenly, and the moment came to an end.
She stiffened, removing her hands and placing them in her lap.
“Everything is well taken care of,” she explained. “I am learning quickly, according to Mrs. Telson, and I will soon be ready to handle the running of the household alone, although that is quite daunting.”
“You need not do it before you are ready. In any case, that is not what I meant.”
“What do you mean? You were asking how I am doing.”
“Yes, I wish to know how you are feeling about it all, not what you have accomplished. You have only been here a matter of days, and so it is hardly fair for me to expect you to know everything. I only wish to know how you feel about everything.”
“Well, in that case… I will say that I am finding this easier than I had expected. I was never taught how to do any of it, and when I decided to be a spinster I forgot all of the things I had learned. Thankfully, I am feeling happier about my duties, especially today.”
“Good. Should you have any questions at all, you are more than welcome to ask me when you see me. Mrs. Telson should know everything there is to know, but should a problem ever arise, I will be happy to help.”
“Thank you. Mrs. Telson certainly is knowledgeable.”
“Indeed. I often say that what she has forgotten about this estate is not worth knowing to begin with.”
Emma smiled at that, but her worry soon returned. Levi noticed it, concern etched in his brow as he noted just how different she had looked of late. Her countenance had been more withdrawn,and he did not like it. He missed the young lady that he had met, though he knew he was partly to blame for how she was feeling.
“What is it?”
“I am afraid,” she confessed. “I am afraid that I will never be able to do all of this, and that you will be disappointed and wish that you had someone else to handle all of this. There is simply so much, and I do not know what to do.”
“Well, first of all, you must calm down. You shall not be able to think at all if you do not.”
Emma tried to compose herself, but it was difficult. Suddenly, she felt his hand on the small of her back, moving slowly up and down. She snapped upright in surprise, but the sensation was strangely reassuring and slowly she relaxed once more.
“Have I made you feel like this?” he asked.
“No, you have been perfectly lovely about it all. It is my father. He– he has always told me that I am not enough, and that I will always be a failure. I wanted to be good at this, and I hoped that it would come naturally and I would instinctively do the right thing, but it has not. I know that it is unfair to myself, but sometimes I make a mistake and suddenly I am ten years old once more, and being scolded for scratching my fork against my plate.”
He was quiet for a moment. She wondered what he would say, as she had not expected to say all that she had. She was ashamed of her past, and the treatment she had received from her father. He tipped his head back, looking at the ceiling with a small groan.
“If I ever see that man again,” he said in a low voice, “it shall be too soon. And I may well be the last thing he sees.”
CHAPTER 23
Emma had not expected Levi to respond the way he had to what she had said about her father.
She hadn’t been certain of how he would react, but it was not a blunt assertion that he did not wish to cross his path again. Frankly, it was an ideal way for him to feel, as all in all she felt much the same way. There was no need for them to see one another once Sarah was married and therefore no longer living there, and it was easier that way for all involved.
The following morning, she awoke feeling brighter than she had in a long time. She had enjoyed her night with her husband, with him even walking her to her bedchambers before leaving for his own. She knew that he would be sending for a modiste to see her that day, and so she dressed herself (she was still forgetting that she had a maid to do such things for her) and left for breakfast.
To her surprise, the Dowager Duchess was already sitting there, as if waiting for her.
“Good morning, Emma,” she said gently. “Did you sleep well?”
“Very much so, Eloise. Did you?”