Page 40 of Bodybuilders for the BBW

I stroked his face over and over as if I could memorise the shape of it. If I kept on patting, then this moment would last forever. I wouldn’t have to go to work. He wouldn’t move on and find happiness with his real owners. That was breathtakingly selfish, but right now I didn’t care. In the darkness of the cage, I could indulge myself one last time.

“I think you’ll be happy.” His head dropped down to rest on my thigh. “Not having to deal with all this noise, for one. Having your own space, feeling safe, I think that’s what you need. I checked out the place, interviewed…” I swallowed hard, then smiled. “Checked out each one of the men that will be your owners. They seem like good guys…”

I looked down at him, seeing those big brown eyes staring right back. People called their pets soul dogs, and that’s what it felt like right now. If the world was fair, he’d be my dog. I’d be the one with the big house and yard for him to run around in, but on a receptionist’s wage, that wasn’t going to happen.

“They’ll look after you.” My hand ran over his head and down his spine in long, slow strokes. “Make sure you have everything you need and then you’ll be happy.”

Bronson let out a thin whine at that, and was that in argument or agreement? I’d never know. Instead, his head jerked upwards, his whole body stiffening as we heard steps coming up the path.

“Thought it would be you.” Jo appeared at the gate. “Come to say goodbye to your boy?”

She lived on site as caretaker as well as one of the shelter workers.

“Yeah.”

“They nice, the people that are gonna take Bronson?” she asked.

“They…” I saw the dinner Garrett had prepared and the care with which Rhett had purchased all those items at the pet store, along with Rhys bristling when Steve approached me. “Yeah.” I nodded. “I think they’re going to give him whatever he needs.”

“That’s all we can hope for, right?” Her fingers laced in the wire of the cage door. “I mean it’s hard, really hard, to see the dogs move on, but that’s what the place is for. They get to move on and we get to create a new safe space for a dog that needs it.”

“Safe space…” I stared at Bronson, ruffling his ears. “Yeah, that’s it.”

“Alright.” She pulled away from the door. “You stay as long as you need. Just lock up on your way out, OK?”

“Will do.”

The sound of her steps faded away and so did the barks of the dogs, until there was only quiet. I leaned back against the wall and listened to the sound of the dog’s breaths. The little whimpers he made as he grew more and more relaxed told me what I needed to know. Most dogs didn’t do that. The shelter was a hell of a lot better than the place he’d been rescued from, but…

It wasn’t enough.

If Bronson stayed here, the vets were threatening to put him down. The rationale was that he wasn’t coping, wasn’t responding as well to the psych meds they’d prescribed. We were all trying to do everything we could to help him get past his trauma, but at some point, he had to decide to take that next step. Getting him out of the shelter was the only way to achieve that.

“You’ll be a brave boy, right, Bronson?” His head lifted slightly. “You can do that for me. Go somewhere new, somewhere quiet and safe and where people are kind. It’ll seem really scary at first, but after a while,” I smiled down at him, “I think you’ll expect everyone to treat you right. Let's work towards that, boy.”

I didn’t mean to doze off. Beyond tired, my eyes got heavier and heavier and so did Bronson. At first, I rationalised that I didn’t want to disturb him, then it was me dreaming of him lying on my bed beside me, his doggy snores in my ears. So why did the door open slowly, the creak forcing my eyes to open, not to see Jo walk back into the dog cage, but them. Rhett smiled down at me, shirtless and carrying a paper tucked under his armpit, while Rhys carried a big bunch of flowers. Roses and sunflowers, lisianthus and gerberas abounded. Garrett walked in backwards, holding a tray laden with coffee cups and toast and a plate of bacon for Bronson. His head jerked up only to snatch a rasher from the air when it was tossed his way. They crowded in closer, the hard warmth of their bodies chasing away the morning chill, even as Bronson refused to give up his spot. Rather, his paws pressed into my sides, his nose ice cold as he snuffled my skin.

And that’s what woke me up.

My butt was aching, gone numb from sitting in the same space, which forced me to move. Bronson made a sleepy sound of protest, but I had to get going. It was all part of working in dog shelters, to bond with animals and then let them go, and finally, I was ready to do just that. I bent over and pressed a kiss to his big head and that had him moving. I’d never had a dog that hugged like he did, making me marvel at the psychotic cruelty of the people who had him before. He stood on your legs and pressed his whole body into you, tail wagging, until you wrapped your arms around him. My face pressed into his shoulder, breathing in his doggy scent, then sniffing back to the tears as they came.

“It’ll be OK, boy, I promise.” I had to go now, or I’d never leave, and so I pulled back and gave him one last pat. “Everything will work out.”

He tried to follow me when I left, and closing the gate behind me felt like it tore something inside, but I did it anyway. I locked the main gate and then got into my car, taking a moment to catch my breath. Not due to effort, but because it all hurt so damn much.

Caring for someone, something, did that to you. This kind of pain was something I knew well, but there was no escaping it. I’d have to turn into a monster like the men that threw Bronson into a pit to get torn apart by other dogs, all humanity turned off. Love is pain, and part of me would never be able to stop seeking that out.

I had a later start at work the next morning, taking over from one of the other receptionists, who stood up with a smirk when I arrived.

“So what did Dave do?” She looked over at the buckets of flowers stacked on one side of the waiting room. “Must be pretty bad if he sent you that many flowers.”

But these could never have been bought by Dave. I don’t think it’d even occur to him to do something nice for someone else, even if it was in his best interests. I bent over and opened one of the cards.

Whenever you’re ready, I’m there, it read, and I could just about hear Rhys’ voice inside my head.Even if it's just to throw another drink at.Just gimme a chance and I’ll do whatever it takes to prove that I’m the man for you.

Man, or men? I wondered, shoving the card in my pocket and then moving to relieve my colleague at the desk.

Chapter21

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