Page 132 of Bodybuilders for the BBW

Had anyone ever apologised to me like this before? If they had, I couldn’t remember it. I felt the urge to say something, anything, but instead, I just stared. Back when I was with Dave, I would’ve died a happy woman if he’d shown even half the kind of contrition Garrett did now.

So why wasn’t it enough?

“New year, new me.” I smiled at their confusion. “That was my new year’s resolution, and I think it’s only now I’m realising what that means. In my head, it was getting fitter at the gym.” I shook my head. “I think I could never lift another free weight and die a happy woman.”

“You got it, babe,” Rhys said. “You’re banned for life from the gym.”

“When I started dating each one of you, I thought that was who I needed to be. Someone who was cool with keeping things casual, not getting in too deep.” I could see my sister’s smiling face then, and, for once, it didn’t feel like my end goal was to become just like her. “But I don’t do casual. I fall easy and I fall hard, and that’s just who I am.”

“It’s why I was always drawn to you.” Rhett pulled me in closer and, resting my head on his chest eased a tension I hadn’t realised I was carrying around. “Your heart, it was always too good for dickheads like Dave. I just… didn’t realise you’d be too good for us too.”

I looked up at him, then Rhys, and then Garrett as they drew closer, but I was forced to take a step backwards. Rather than look at them, my eyes were drawn to the crazy paisley carpet Nan had put in when Dad was still a kid.

“I think that’s what I need to get back to.” Instead of the dark purples and greens of the pattern, I saw all the different me’s that had walked across the carpet. With the toddling steps of a baby, then running as a child, sitting down in front of the TV and watching cartoons early in the morning, then with the more sure steps of a teenager. There were so many different Katie’s, and right then I knew I needed to honour each one of them. “My heart.”

I couldn’t believe I was going to do it, and yet I knew I had to. The same girl who had put up with Dave’s bullshit without a word was going to break up with these three men for something far less heinous.

“That’s why I need to stay here.” I looked down at Bronson. “We need to stay here. The city is no place for him. Too many noises to trigger him.”

“But Katie—” Rhys said.

“And I think I want out too.”

I remembered the drunk resolutions I’d made with Mandie and Natasha in the early hours of the morning. Flush with wine, the world was my oyster. Well, if that was truly the case, it meant I had to make some tough decisions. I didn’t know if I could turn the old stone buildings into a rescue. I might go scuttling back to the city the minute I discovered how bad the lattes were at the local cafe, but… I needed to know.

For the first time since I got my year 12 results, it felt like there was something worth me focussing on. When I refocussed on the guys, I saw how pale Rhys was, how tightly Rhett was clenching his jaw, how wide Garrett’s eyes were. I was the one doing the hurting this time, and I don’t know how Dave bore it. I didn’t want to. I really, really didn’t want to, but this was my chance. To stop coasting through life and really try.

“I’m going to stay here,” I said.

“For a while.” Rhys seemed intent on believing that. “To get your head together, right? It’d be good for Bronson too.”

“I think I’m going to stay here and see if I can set up a dog shelter on my grandparent’s farm. I’m not sure how yet.” My brows came down in a frown. “Where the money or the labour is coming from, but…” I nodded. “I’ll work it out. I’m sorry, but?—”

“You’re breaking up with us.” Garrett stepped backwards, shaking his head as if I’d struck him. “You’re breaking up with us.” When he recovered, he looked at me with narrowed eyes. “I’ve gotta go.”

“Gar…” Rhys sighed and then said, “I need to go after him, but we’re not done here.”

I watched him rush out after Garrett, the atmosphere getting more awkward by the second.

“This is what you want?” Rhett’s words came out in a clipped tone. “To be here and look after dogs?”

“I think so.” I dared a smile, one he didn’t mirror. “Animals were always my special interest. You discovered yours and started work for the fire service, following your passion.” If this was the right thing to do, why did it hurt so much? “I need to do the same.”

“Of course you do.”

That was when the mask broke. He shook his head, let out a small hiss, and then lunged forward. His lips collided with mine, and I couldn’t help but kiss him back. This was the last time I’d do this, so I had to make it good. To remember him. To remember us. But all good things come to an end, and that was what happened now. We stood there, foreheads pressed together, until he pulled away.

“I…” Hearing Rhett’s voice crack broke something in me. “You do what you have to, and I’ll do the same.”

And with that, he walked out the door.

For a moment, all I could do was stare at the open doorway, as if willing him, them, to return. The sound of a car starting made clear that wouldn’t happen. A tear rolled down my cheek, unbidden, and that’s when Nan and Pa arrived.

“Didn’t go so well?” she asked, and all I could do was sniffle in response. “Oh darling, everything will end up alright in the end.”

Maybe, but that didn’t mean this bit didn’t hurt like freaking hell right now. I was like a butterfly fighting my way free of its cocoon, and it was only now I realised what a torturous process that was. What you were, your past, everything, it conspired against your every attempt to fight free. But I would, I vowed, as I wrapped my arms around Nanna’s shoulders. I would. Because the new me I kept bleating on about? I wanted to get to know her most of all.

Chapter67

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