Page 18 of Love Under Siege

“Are you planning on still staying with your Nana? Are you planning on continuing to see that boy? We need to know!”

“This is so typical!”

“Anya! – “

“No! You call him aboybut he’s only a year older than me! And in case you forgot, that’s 22! You bothstillact as if I’m some little girl you can control!And,to answer your questions, yes I still plan on staying with Nana and yes! I still plan on seeing Jacob,hisname is Jacob! Notboy!

“We don’t think that’s a good idea, Anya” my mom seethes.

“Oh, really and why not?”

“Because despite what you may believe, we do care about you and want to make sure you’re okay” my dad says.

“Iamokay for one and two, you both never really cared if I was okay, only what other people viewed us as! ‘Make sure you don’t do this, don’t want the church members talking’ or ‘Don’t talk about Paul or what he put you through because god forbid thechurchfinds out I’m not your perfect daughter anymore!’ Stop trying to control me! I am not yours to control!”

“Anya we – “

Fed up with this conversation, I stand up and then place my hands on the table, “You know what, contrary to whatyou twomay believe, I have more pressing matters to deal with than making sure you’re proud of me or getting your all-important approval” I say then turn and walk out.

I planned to drive back to my Nana’s but decided to take a detour and go to the boardwalk instead.I need to think. I park and walk for a bit before finding a bench and sit down facing the ocean.

Normal parents are supposed to be there for you!Normalparents are supposed to care. But my parents aren’t normal. I’ll never be good enough for them, I’ve realized that now. I’ve tried so many times to show them that I am trying, but it’s never enough. I have this sick feeling they’ll always have something to criticize about me.

As I sit here looking out at the ocean, my thoughts start to wander.What if I never spoke to them again? Would they care?I sigh,probably not, I answer myself. But my childhood heart wants to believe that they’ll change. Tears run down my face, knowing that my heart is broken. I want to tell them about my goals and dreams, but I know they’ll just shoot them down.

They always compare me to my brother and sister. But the things they’ve done and said over the years, I would’ve never been able to get away with. My siblings could make mistakes and act out without facing the same consequences or criticism that I did. The double standard was clear from the start—while they seemed to navigate their way through life with less restriction, I was held to an impossibly high standard.

This dynamic shaped who I am now. I was constantly under pressure to be the perfect daughter, to make fewer mistakes, and to meet expectations that felt unrealistic compared to the freedom my siblings had. Their behavior, often overlooked or excused, only reinforced the feeling that no matter what I did, it would never be enough to earn the same leniency they received. I learned to be cautious, to avoid stepping out of line, and to constantly seek approval, even though it felt like an impossible task.

I close my eyes and inhale the salty air, letting the warmth of the sun wash over my face. At this moment, everything else fades away. I listen to the people enjoying the last days of summer, their laughter mingling with the rhythmic sound of the waves. The beach, with its sensory details—the taste of the air, the feel of the sand, the sight of the waves—provides a rare peace. Here, my problems seem smaller, more manageable. I sit absorbed in this tranquility for what feels like hours, savoring the escape it provides.

But reality awaits, and as I stand up to leave, I know I must face it. I understand what needs to be done, but I only hope I have the strength to confront it.

CHAPTER EIGHT

Jacob

It's been a full week since I last talked to Connor, and there's been no word on Paul. My instincts tell me he's not the culprit causing trouble for her, based on her words about him. But in this day and age, it's always better to err on the side of caution.

I sent a quick text to him and waited for a reply. But after 10 minutes, there is still no response. So, I decide to message Anya instead:

JACOB: Hey Anya, how are you doing?

ANYA: Hi there, I'm doing okay. Are you still wanting me to come out this weekend to see you off?

JACOB: Of course, why wouldn't I want my girl by my side?

ANYA: I don't know, I just wanted to double check. I guess I'm feeling a bit nervous.

JACOB: How about you come out a little earlier? Maybe I can help calm your nerves.

ANYA: Jacob, having sex isn't going to make me feel better.

JACOB: Oh, that's not what I meant. But I like where your mind is at, lol.

ANYA: *eye roll emoji* Sorry, I'm just worried about you leaving and what if that person following me tries to approach me.

JACOB: Yeah, I figured. That's why I suggested you come earlier and I'll help make you feel safer.

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