Page 41 of Love Under Siege

"I AM ALONE NANA!" I cry out, anger and sorrow consuming me as I collapse onto my knees. "YOU'RE NOT HERE!...you're not here, and I can't do this without you!" My voice breaks as reality hits me. "I'm sorry Nana! I couldn't save you! Please come back! I need you!" Tears stream down my face as I realize that she is gone because of me.

I kneel there, and Jacob's horse comes up next to me, causing my heart to clench even tighter. I killed them both. Pops will kick me out, Marissa will hate me, and Jacob...Jacob will want nothing to do with me. Maybe it would be better if I let the stalker get me. Maybe it's better if I am not around anymore.

The shrill ring of my phone pierces through the deafening silence, and I see Lana's name flashing on the screen. My heart plummets as I answer the call, half expecting to hear more devastating news.

"Anya! Are you alright? Where are you?" Lana's voice is frantic and worried.

I struggle to find my voice, my throat constricted with emotion. "Lana...they're dead," I choke out between sobs.

I can feel Lana's shock and sorrow through the phone as she tries to comfort me. But I can't stop the flood of guilt and regret that washes over me. "It's all my fault," I confess, my words barely audible through my tears.

"Anya, no! It's not your fault," Lana's voice cracks with emotion too.

"He'll hate me for this, Lana. And he'll be right," I whisper, my heart breaking at the thought of losing his love.

Lana cuts me off, her own voice trembling. "No, he won't hate you. Now tell me where you are."

I look around in a daze, trying to remember my surroundings. "I...I'm not sure. I just ran away on one of their horses."

"Okay, do you know how to get back to the farm?" Lana asks gently.

My chest tightens with fear and anxiety at the thought of going back there. "I think so, but I don't want to face Marissa. She'll hate me too," I sob into the phone.

"She won't hate you, but even if she does, you have to remember that she lost someone too. She is in as much pain as you are and who knows maybe you both can be a comfort to each other.” Lana says softly.

“Yeah… I guess you’re right.”

“Of course I’m right, plus you still have to bring the horse back," Lana teasingly says and then her voice changes to a more serious tone, “Anya, I love you It’s completely understandable to want to run away from pain; that’s a natural response when we’re overwhelmed. Facing problems can feel daunting, especially when the emotions tied to them are so intense. But avoiding those feelings often keeps us stuck in a cycle of fear and anxiety.”

Her words strike a chord within me.She’s right, I can't keep running away from my problems. I need to face them head-on.I thank her, tell her I’m returning back to the farm, and say our goodbyes.

I take a deep breath and force myself to climb back onto the horse.You can do this, Anya, I whisper to myself, trying to push away the memories of what happened. "You know the way home, don't you buddy?" I say to the horse, hoping he can sense the fear and doubt in my voice. The horse seems to understand my hesitation, but he trots forward confidently, leading me back home.

As we reach the farm, I am hit with a wave of emotions as I look around. This place used to be full of life and joy, but now it is tainted with tragedy. I don't see anyone around, so I quickly lead the horse to the stables and start brushing him down.

"I'm sorry for putting you in danger," I say softly to him, tears welling up in my eyes. "Thank you for helping me, and I hope Jacob and Marissa can find it in their hearts to forgive me someday."

Then the horse nudges his head against me, and I lean into him, resting my forehead on his nose. I don’t know much about horses, but in that moment, it feels like he’s telling me everything will be okay. I choose to take it that way, because I definitely need that reassurance to face what lies ahead.

As I finish grooming him, a wave of guilt washes over me, heavy and suffocating. My heart aches with the realization that I may never see this loyal creature again. “I’ll miss you, buddy,” I say, my voice thick with emotion and a lump rising in my throat. I take a moment to breathe him in, savoring the comforting scent of hay and earth before I finally turn to walk away, feeling the weight of my loss with every step.

The sight of crime tape everywhere only adds to the weight on my shoulders as I gather my belongings from the house. As I write one last letter to Jacob, tears blur my vision and guilt consumes me for all I have caused.

I look back at the farm and a small part of me hopes to see Jacob one last time. It is quickly overshadowed by guilt and sadness as I see the barn and the dried blood stains on the ground. Knowing that Nana and Jacob's mom will never come back only intensifies these conflicting emotions.

Before driving away, I notice a piece of paper on my windshield. Without even looking at it, I shove it into my bag. Right now, I cannot handle any more unexpected surprises or revelations from my stalker. As I pass by the field where Jacob and I used to lay under the stars together, the memories flood back again.

Jacob and I lie on our side, and he gently moves a strand of hair behind my ear. "I love you, Anya. You know, I think I loved you from the moment we first met. You were like a vision, and all I could see was you." I playfully push him away, pretending to be annoyed. "You are such a cheesy romantic!" He grins mischievously as he tries to hug me again, but his words make my heart swell with joy. I am so grateful to have found someone like Jacob after years of attracting the wrong type of guys. It feels like a movie, and I am the lead character with him by my side.

He lifts my chin and looks into my eyes. "Anya, one day I'm going to marry you," he declares confidently before kissing the tip of my nose. I let out a laugh, unable to contain my happiness. "Oh, are you so sure that I'll say yes?" I tease, but he pulls me in closer. "Without a doubt," he replies with a smile.

The sound of a cow mooing breaks me out of the memory, and I start driving down the driveway watching the farm disappear in the rearview mirror. I know that this is probably the last time I will see it, but at least I have these memories to hold onto. No matter what happens in the future, I will always cherish these moments spent with Jacob at this farm.

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

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Oh Anya, isn’t it fascinating how things turn out? All those self-defense classes, all that training you thought would make you stronger, make you safe—what a waste. You’ve always been so naïve, thinking you could protect yourself from the inevitable. But look at where you are now. Your precious Nana is gone, and that pathetic excuse for a protector, Jacob’s mother, is gone too. You think you can outrun fate? You think you can escape me? You’re more foolish than I ever imagined.

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